The secret of trust.

Trust,
It is something that is given freely in the care free days of youth until your heart is betrayed by someone you brought close to you. Their intentions being different from your own, they had their own desires they were tending to. And here you are thinking the wrong vision of another person altogether. You gave them your all because you thought that they had the same intentions. It is in that moment when you make the realization that people will always be who and what they really are, regardless of whatever you may think. You trusted them and they let you down. You trusted them, and they lied to you.

It begins with trying to understand why at first. In the chaos of emotions that follow, you feel a void within you that was once filled with happiness and oblivious naivete. Now it is a pain and a hollow feeling that is then leading you into this anger and sadness you have never felt before. This is what treachery feels like. It is the biting of the tongue when you want to scream in rage as the emotions reach a boiling point you consider what has just happened. Did he ever even care, or was he in it for his own intentions?

You try to make some sort of logical explanation or excuse about it all, but it doesn't stop the feeling of pain welling up inside. The silence of his response is chilling, cold, and lacking. He gives you nothing to explain his obvious greed and then you are besides yourself with thoughts of his demise. Why do you want him to fall? Because you want him to feel what he made you feel. You want him to hurt like you hurt. You want him to be the one hurt instead of you crying in your pillow at the bedside.

You want the pain to stop and you want to stop talking about him. You want to cut him from your heart and even still something within you holds on to a fragment of the first lie. You want to believe in that lie there was something profound. You want to believe within that fragment of love, that it wasn't an illusion. You truly want to understand how it all happened so fast. You back track the memories and the trail of emotions left behind to make some sort of sense to it all. Why would he do this? How can someone just not care at all?

It is here you realize that you can change. But why should you? You weren't the deceptive one. But you have decided to never to allow this to happen again. You realize that somehow you allowed this to happen. You realize that you have to pick yourself up off the floor because with or without you, life goes on. Do you live, or do you wither? In each heartbeat, a fragment of you remains unfulfilled, because you made the mistake of trusting the wrong person.