Being viewed as a villain.

The world teaches you as a child that being honest is something genuine. You are prodded to tell the truth at all times for your elders and your peers. Lying is supposed to be something that you get in trouble for, because the truth will be found out one way or another. But as you get older, you begin to realize that the elders kept a large amount of secrets. You find out that those same people who raised you kept telling you lies in order to keep you in a bubble of ignorance for your own protection. 

What I don't quite understand, is why is it that being honest as an adult gets you viewed as the worst villain of all? I've seen so many instances of the "oh no you didn't" look for simply pointing out something that was blatantly obvious in subtle ways. Its not like I was on the rooftop screaming to people about what they are doing wrong. I would point out certain details of what they were "currently doing" to illustrate how they are being dishonest, or not at their best behavior. 

What did this land me? I'll be frank, it landed me into a lot of closed circles and closed doors. It began a spiral of negativity that made me not so likely to succeed with many of the past groups that I associated with. It showed me that most people are not what they appear to be. To always look deeper and pay close attention to what a person really is. This landed me in a role that in most cases was looked upon as being "the villain, or the bad guy." 

A person will allow someone to totally screw them over by stealing their money, but a person that points that out is the one that is despised worse. Yeah, it is totally alright to back stab someone to get ahead, but to reveal the details of which is looked upon even more unfavorable. Yet the same people who were screwed, will whisper of the atrocities, but never speak them in the open. So why is it acceptable to be dishonest? Why is it so awesome to be an undercover villain? But to be honest, is an even larger threat. Why? 

My theory on this, is that most people cannot confront the actual reality of who they are. Most people lose themselves after childhood and put on a "facade". They do this out of ego to create a false sense of accomplishment. They do this to give themselves what they consider leverage. But then when those same people wake up in their 60's and 70's, they realize they haven't been living their own lives. They reach deep trenches of depression, realizing they haven't been honest with themselves the entire time. But by the time they are trying to make amends, they are either at death's door, or close to it. 

So my question then turns into: Who's the villain now?

Patience

I need a vacation.

This is a post about loyalty.

Ah yes, loyalty. So many people of the world will proclaim that they want it, but so few actually demonstrate it themselves. Some people are dedicated only to their own lives, while others may only be dedicated to obligation or even religion. Loyalty has many different underlying features that make it very quickly something that is desired deeply.  It is no wonder that the demonstration of unquestioning loyalty is what a leader ultimately covets.

I myself have learned that loyalty is in essence an illusion. This isn't to say that I haven't seen it in action in some way, shape, or form. But the reason why I call loyalty and illusion is because I have seen people who have been "loyal" for many years turn on the very people they were loyal to. I have watched best friends become bitter enemies over a change in tide with loyalty. The most common change in loyalty usually comes in two forms, money or love.

For the average seeker of spiritual truth, they will learn that loyalty is not something we "search" for on the outside of our own consciousness. To look for someone to be loyal to you will only result in questioning your very own loyalty towards other people. Rather, I have learned in my travels and journey, that one should remain loyal to how they wish to actually feel. Being loyal to another person is something that takes a bit of dedication that most human beings are not willing to commit to.

In other words, it is the path of least resistance to remain loyal to yourself and your own feelings. I believe this is the reason why many are taken aback by how I act or respond to most interactions. I used to allow myself to be angry with so many minor actions. Now I am loyal to how good I wish to feel in my life. I am loyal to my own vibration and what I want to attract to myself. I am loyal to the practice of believing without evidence.

In my own opinion, before there is any loyalty, there must be established trust. This is where people get very tripped up in their relations with others. The concept of trust and loyalty is very appealing. Most especially when it involves someone that you care about. But to see the same person not demonstrate an equal amount of loyalty or trust can be very disheartening. Probably because it is the expectation that if you "do unto others like yourself", people will give you what you give. But then you end up realizing that not everyone was raised to have a moral center.

This is why I say, that loyalty is an illusion. To me, it is an illusion that is cast so as long as you are providing something the other person wants or needs. Once that want or need can be fulfilled without you, do not be surprised when the true nature of the person comes to the surface. If they treat you differently, because you are no longer acting within their best interest, then it is the person who trusts that is put in danger. Marriages are supposed to be tests of faith, trust, and loyalty. Funny that we enter an age where those same morals are easily broken over the next piece of ass.

Loyalty, life's illusion of dedicated people, who only end up being dedicated to their own selfish desires.

Supreme Destiny

In the words of Oprah Winfrey; "there is a supreme destiny or calling in your life. It is your job to find it, whatever that is."

This quote and this phrase made me do some serious soul searching. I look back at the events of the past quite often and I see that I have been "led" by a desire for freedom and love. As far as anything professionally, I kind of was simply existing. Along the path of my own life, I knew that being an artist was part of who I am. I have went to so many different avenues of searching for what type of artwork and artistic creation was my own niche.

I love doing character art and even at times some background design. In the past, I was obsessed with comic book artwork and even with trying to work with Marvel Comics. That dream took a major detour when I had to enter the Army. But during basic training, I was encouraged to draw and paint on all of the doors. I had stopped drawing shortly thereafter and was in limbo for a few years.

After the military, I was drifting in choices on school and that is when I was encouraged by a long time old friend of mine to "continue drawing." He went out of his way to make a website and promote me with current and new drawing listings. This then pushed me in the direction of the Art Institute of Atlanta. I wanted to draw and enhance myself on a higher career with my illustration skills. At the time, there was no major in Illustration. Animation had a lot of the courses I wanted to take, but there were financial obstacles that prevented me from joining the animation major.

After I left the college without a degree or even hope, I drifted into a state of depression. I felt like I failed myself, my family, and everyone that believed in me. I finally received work at a hardware company and "survived" for 9 years. During that time, I gained a massive amount of weight, attained an addictive nature to video games, and gave up on ever thinking about love. "Is this it? Is all that my life has to offer?" These were the questions I was thinking to myself. Slowly but surely, one friend, two friends, and then even a whole tribe of people were encouraging me to get back into drawing.

I've since bought many art supplies, posted many pictures on the web, and even been paid by commissions to produce work for clients. I have since left that hardware store, but the money wasn't flowing to me like it used to. Now, I'm at another crossroads and have no idea of what to do. I do know, somewhere, somehow, it will all work out for me. But there is this lingering feeling of where is the big thing that I'm supposed to do? There are people who even now, are believing in me to do some great thing. I truly wish, I knew what that was.

If you are reading this, then maybe you have an answer. Someone somewhere please give me the damn answer.

Something I wonder

I often wondered, why it would seem that I was always rejected from groups of people. I know for a fact that my age had little to do with that. I examine myself and my persona, and I see a person who is seeking truth above spreading lies. I see a man that is an explorer with a large heart that loves to help others. I see myself having a simple set of morals of treat others how I want to be treated.

But at the same time, I also see how I speak about what I see in others and ponder that because I speak about what I see, that is the reason why I get rejected. I do not go out of my way to shame people. I see it as a way for them to let go and confront themselves as to what is holding themselves back.  But as you know, and as I know, many people do not like the reality of who they actually are.

It is because I see who people actually are underneath the small talk that I often run into this sort of issue. People who are not comfortable with who they actually are, tend to run in terror from me. I don't actually consciously "do" anything to them. It is spiritually, where they feel affected and judged in a sort of way. I don't try to devalue people for what they have done, seeing as I myself have sinned on a constant basis. But I own everything about myself, from the good things to even the bad mistakes that I have made.

I guess most people are just not prepared to do that sort of thing. Most people are unprepared with dealing with the weight of what they do and how it affects others. I have watched it affect people to such a point, that they will hold a feeling of "distrust" or "disdain" for me even in a dire situation where it is not beneficial. Being "right" is not always being beneficial to what may be needed. It only proves that some people only desire what they desire, no matter how right or wrong it may be altogether.

11/01/2015

November is already looking up for me. Everything is coming to me at the right time and I so enjoy it. I truly am liking being vegan now and the healthy benefits it has brought into my lifetime. So far, I have not fallen ill under any circumstances. This is a huge plus for me, since I used to get sick, quite often.

Being a vegan has also upped my testosterone quite a bit. I'm truly not exaggerating about this at all. I feel so much more energy to do the things I love to do ever since I have changed this diet for myself. It is truly uplifting to notice from all angles to be honest. I also enjoy that my grocery bill has went down significantly.

Funny, something that I swore up and down I'd never do ended up being a great lifestyle for me in the end. I see myself being on this path for the rest of my days. "But Q, don't you miss meat?" Honestly? After all of those sick days, and meat preparation? Nah, I'm good. I feel so much more alive now than I have in a very long time.

There are going to be times when you may slip and eat something you really shouldn't. That is alright though. Things are going to happen and people often slip. Just get back up, dust yourself off, and keep it moving in the direction you want to go. When I look back at my life, I realize the hardest part of life is simply deciding WHAT I actually wanted. Once I had established with clarity what I actually wanted, I always received it.

I know what I want, and I know I will get it so much faster now. That's the beauty of the Law of Attraction, you really do manifest it once you believe it. It feels so nice.