We live in a world where anything is possible and yet the majority of the world stays within a constant system of cynicism. It isn't enough to do anything that makes you feel good to some people. It isn't enough to simply do what makes your heart happy to them either. Everything is put under a microscope and everything is criticized heavily. I don't get this logic of perfectionism. What is so hard about allowing yourself to finally be happy? Does life have to provide you with certain conditions to achieve the emotion of happiness? Well, not in my book.
I see the media pushing out images of perfection as to that being what some sort of invisible standard to achieve for the world. This is wrong. This is so very wrong. It sends a message of self hatred to children that disturbs me deeply. I don't want to look at some invisible standard that has a bar far too high for me to ever reach. That was exactly what my mother was like during my childhood and it took me years of self therapy to overcome the damage. She never was satisfied with a test score unless it was perfect. Never satisfied with what I was doing in any sport unless I was on top. That isn't good parenting, that is a concentration camp.
Being cynical about everything is poisonous. It deludes us to our truest nature of joy. I must admit to myself that it is a battle against constant exposure to media that being cynical is a constant threat. Now that social media is an ever present thing, it gets worse by the day. Twitter and Facebook, and even Instagram seem to get a huge lashing of cynicism from people on the quest for "likes". I don't really understand what is so important for other people to like you? Probably stemming from a lack of self love that creates a vacuum or void where the self love is supposed to be.
Personally, the world can always use more love. We have enough success to last us into the next century. What about the lovers, the poets, the artists? What about the healers, the song writers, or the dancers? Let us focus more on joy and abundance together. It is only when you can appreciate yourself that you will find joy. It is only when you can appreciate others that you will find new doors open to you. Being cynical only leads to more cynicism. Negative never creates positive and vice versa.
For one day, try not complaining about anything and enjoy the fact that you are alive. Try that and watch life itself change. It really isn't that hard.
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Thursday, December 10, 2015
Vibrational reality
I think I am beginning to understand now how this "vibrational reality" is supposed to work. So in essence, the world that you notice is a direct reflection of your own personal belief system. If you believe in self hatred, then your world will be filled with reasons not to like yourself. If you believe in self glory, then your world will be filled with reasons as to what makes you great. Whether or not we want to acknowledge it, our parents play a large role in our vibrational reality. Or at the very least, the beginning of our reality.
The very core concept of whatever they teach us, starts off what we believe in. As a result, the world will reflect what we think from an early age. But we are always checking in with what they think in order to see what is approved. That in itself is teaching us that love and joy are conditional. It is in this need for their acceptance, that we are taught to lose what we feel for what they do. How the parent thinks and reacts is what we then go off of for a long long time.
A child's past is what ends up determining that person's future. It is either an inspiration for what better things the child can go get, or a hole that the child will always need to fill. The need to succeed is often a mask for a void of love never given without condition. The need to be accepted by others is often the same overlooked conditional love the parent didn't give. If our parents tortured us, we end up torturing ourselves, unless we recognize this flaw and overcome it, we will be haunted.
It all makes sense to me now. Even down to what my sisters have gone through, it is all relative to overcoming the past. Pain is the teacher that either binds you, or makes you better to overcome anything else.
Wavelength
The very core concept of whatever they teach us, starts off what we believe in. As a result, the world will reflect what we think from an early age. But we are always checking in with what they think in order to see what is approved. That in itself is teaching us that love and joy are conditional. It is in this need for their acceptance, that we are taught to lose what we feel for what they do. How the parent thinks and reacts is what we then go off of for a long long time.
A child's past is what ends up determining that person's future. It is either an inspiration for what better things the child can go get, or a hole that the child will always need to fill. The need to succeed is often a mask for a void of love never given without condition. The need to be accepted by others is often the same overlooked conditional love the parent didn't give. If our parents tortured us, we end up torturing ourselves, unless we recognize this flaw and overcome it, we will be haunted.
It all makes sense to me now. Even down to what my sisters have gone through, it is all relative to overcoming the past. Pain is the teacher that either binds you, or makes you better to overcome anything else.
Wavelength
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Life so far.
I have went a long time surviving in my own existence. I am thankful that I have made it this far. Life truly isn't fair, but that is not for me to decide how fair it should be. Rather, I am now asking where this is taking me. From St. Croix, to Florida, to Atlanta, to South Korea, to New York, I have seen quite a bit of the world. I was terrified so many times in my life of losing everything or being lost.
I'm no longer afraid anymore. Things are changing world wide, and I'd be a fool not to realize this would also affect me. The circumstances are what they are. I have ran my course for almost a year now without full time work. But I am grateful that I have been allowed to be a full time artist. I am grateful that I have been able to touch so many lives with my experience. I am quite grateful that so many people have helped support me this far and long.
I have achieved so much in this life time all I can do is look at it all and smile. I may not have a million dollars in my pocket, but I have helped bring a lot of happiness. I have been allowed to live a good life regardless of its harsh beginnings. I am floating downstream and enjoying all new miracles coming my way. There is nothing to be afraid of anymore. I know for a fact that it really is going to be alright.
Thank you so much for everything world. I know that life will guide me soon.
I'm no longer afraid anymore. Things are changing world wide, and I'd be a fool not to realize this would also affect me. The circumstances are what they are. I have ran my course for almost a year now without full time work. But I am grateful that I have been allowed to be a full time artist. I am grateful that I have been able to touch so many lives with my experience. I am quite grateful that so many people have helped support me this far and long.
I have achieved so much in this life time all I can do is look at it all and smile. I may not have a million dollars in my pocket, but I have helped bring a lot of happiness. I have been allowed to live a good life regardless of its harsh beginnings. I am floating downstream and enjoying all new miracles coming my way. There is nothing to be afraid of anymore. I know for a fact that it really is going to be alright.
Thank you so much for everything world. I know that life will guide me soon.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Being viewed as a villain.
The world teaches you as a child that being honest is something genuine. You are prodded to tell the truth at all times for your elders and your peers. Lying is supposed to be something that you get in trouble for, because the truth will be found out one way or another. But as you get older, you begin to realize that the elders kept a large amount of secrets. You find out that those same people who raised you kept telling you lies in order to keep you in a bubble of ignorance for your own protection.
What I don't quite understand, is why is it that being honest as an adult gets you viewed as the worst villain of all? I've seen so many instances of the "oh no you didn't" look for simply pointing out something that was blatantly obvious in subtle ways. Its not like I was on the rooftop screaming to people about what they are doing wrong. I would point out certain details of what they were "currently doing" to illustrate how they are being dishonest, or not at their best behavior.
What did this land me? I'll be frank, it landed me into a lot of closed circles and closed doors. It began a spiral of negativity that made me not so likely to succeed with many of the past groups that I associated with. It showed me that most people are not what they appear to be. To always look deeper and pay close attention to what a person really is. This landed me in a role that in most cases was looked upon as being "the villain, or the bad guy."
A person will allow someone to totally screw them over by stealing their money, but a person that points that out is the one that is despised worse. Yeah, it is totally alright to back stab someone to get ahead, but to reveal the details of which is looked upon even more unfavorable. Yet the same people who were screwed, will whisper of the atrocities, but never speak them in the open. So why is it acceptable to be dishonest? Why is it so awesome to be an undercover villain? But to be honest, is an even larger threat. Why?
My theory on this, is that most people cannot confront the actual reality of who they are. Most people lose themselves after childhood and put on a "facade". They do this out of ego to create a false sense of accomplishment. They do this to give themselves what they consider leverage. But then when those same people wake up in their 60's and 70's, they realize they haven't been living their own lives. They reach deep trenches of depression, realizing they haven't been honest with themselves the entire time. But by the time they are trying to make amends, they are either at death's door, or close to it.
So my question then turns into: Who's the villain now?
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
This is a post about loyalty.
Ah yes, loyalty. So many people of the world will proclaim that they want it, but so few actually demonstrate it themselves. Some people are dedicated only to their own lives, while others may only be dedicated to obligation or even religion. Loyalty has many different underlying features that make it very quickly something that is desired deeply. It is no wonder that the demonstration of unquestioning loyalty is what a leader ultimately covets.
I myself have learned that loyalty is in essence an illusion. This isn't to say that I haven't seen it in action in some way, shape, or form. But the reason why I call loyalty and illusion is because I have seen people who have been "loyal" for many years turn on the very people they were loyal to. I have watched best friends become bitter enemies over a change in tide with loyalty. The most common change in loyalty usually comes in two forms, money or love.
For the average seeker of spiritual truth, they will learn that loyalty is not something we "search" for on the outside of our own consciousness. To look for someone to be loyal to you will only result in questioning your very own loyalty towards other people. Rather, I have learned in my travels and journey, that one should remain loyal to how they wish to actually feel. Being loyal to another person is something that takes a bit of dedication that most human beings are not willing to commit to.
In other words, it is the path of least resistance to remain loyal to yourself and your own feelings. I believe this is the reason why many are taken aback by how I act or respond to most interactions. I used to allow myself to be angry with so many minor actions. Now I am loyal to how good I wish to feel in my life. I am loyal to my own vibration and what I want to attract to myself. I am loyal to the practice of believing without evidence.
In my own opinion, before there is any loyalty, there must be established trust. This is where people get very tripped up in their relations with others. The concept of trust and loyalty is very appealing. Most especially when it involves someone that you care about. But to see the same person not demonstrate an equal amount of loyalty or trust can be very disheartening. Probably because it is the expectation that if you "do unto others like yourself", people will give you what you give. But then you end up realizing that not everyone was raised to have a moral center.
This is why I say, that loyalty is an illusion. To me, it is an illusion that is cast so as long as you are providing something the other person wants or needs. Once that want or need can be fulfilled without you, do not be surprised when the true nature of the person comes to the surface. If they treat you differently, because you are no longer acting within their best interest, then it is the person who trusts that is put in danger. Marriages are supposed to be tests of faith, trust, and loyalty. Funny that we enter an age where those same morals are easily broken over the next piece of ass.
Loyalty, life's illusion of dedicated people, who only end up being dedicated to their own selfish desires.
I myself have learned that loyalty is in essence an illusion. This isn't to say that I haven't seen it in action in some way, shape, or form. But the reason why I call loyalty and illusion is because I have seen people who have been "loyal" for many years turn on the very people they were loyal to. I have watched best friends become bitter enemies over a change in tide with loyalty. The most common change in loyalty usually comes in two forms, money or love.
For the average seeker of spiritual truth, they will learn that loyalty is not something we "search" for on the outside of our own consciousness. To look for someone to be loyal to you will only result in questioning your very own loyalty towards other people. Rather, I have learned in my travels and journey, that one should remain loyal to how they wish to actually feel. Being loyal to another person is something that takes a bit of dedication that most human beings are not willing to commit to.
In other words, it is the path of least resistance to remain loyal to yourself and your own feelings. I believe this is the reason why many are taken aback by how I act or respond to most interactions. I used to allow myself to be angry with so many minor actions. Now I am loyal to how good I wish to feel in my life. I am loyal to my own vibration and what I want to attract to myself. I am loyal to the practice of believing without evidence.
In my own opinion, before there is any loyalty, there must be established trust. This is where people get very tripped up in their relations with others. The concept of trust and loyalty is very appealing. Most especially when it involves someone that you care about. But to see the same person not demonstrate an equal amount of loyalty or trust can be very disheartening. Probably because it is the expectation that if you "do unto others like yourself", people will give you what you give. But then you end up realizing that not everyone was raised to have a moral center.
This is why I say, that loyalty is an illusion. To me, it is an illusion that is cast so as long as you are providing something the other person wants or needs. Once that want or need can be fulfilled without you, do not be surprised when the true nature of the person comes to the surface. If they treat you differently, because you are no longer acting within their best interest, then it is the person who trusts that is put in danger. Marriages are supposed to be tests of faith, trust, and loyalty. Funny that we enter an age where those same morals are easily broken over the next piece of ass.
Loyalty, life's illusion of dedicated people, who only end up being dedicated to their own selfish desires.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Supreme Destiny
In the words of Oprah Winfrey; "there is a supreme destiny or calling in your life. It is your job to find it, whatever that is."
This quote and this phrase made me do some serious soul searching. I look back at the events of the past quite often and I see that I have been "led" by a desire for freedom and love. As far as anything professionally, I kind of was simply existing. Along the path of my own life, I knew that being an artist was part of who I am. I have went to so many different avenues of searching for what type of artwork and artistic creation was my own niche.
I love doing character art and even at times some background design. In the past, I was obsessed with comic book artwork and even with trying to work with Marvel Comics. That dream took a major detour when I had to enter the Army. But during basic training, I was encouraged to draw and paint on all of the doors. I had stopped drawing shortly thereafter and was in limbo for a few years.
After the military, I was drifting in choices on school and that is when I was encouraged by a long time old friend of mine to "continue drawing." He went out of his way to make a website and promote me with current and new drawing listings. This then pushed me in the direction of the Art Institute of Atlanta. I wanted to draw and enhance myself on a higher career with my illustration skills. At the time, there was no major in Illustration. Animation had a lot of the courses I wanted to take, but there were financial obstacles that prevented me from joining the animation major.
After I left the college without a degree or even hope, I drifted into a state of depression. I felt like I failed myself, my family, and everyone that believed in me. I finally received work at a hardware company and "survived" for 9 years. During that time, I gained a massive amount of weight, attained an addictive nature to video games, and gave up on ever thinking about love. "Is this it? Is all that my life has to offer?" These were the questions I was thinking to myself. Slowly but surely, one friend, two friends, and then even a whole tribe of people were encouraging me to get back into drawing.
I've since bought many art supplies, posted many pictures on the web, and even been paid by commissions to produce work for clients. I have since left that hardware store, but the money wasn't flowing to me like it used to. Now, I'm at another crossroads and have no idea of what to do. I do know, somewhere, somehow, it will all work out for me. But there is this lingering feeling of where is the big thing that I'm supposed to do? There are people who even now, are believing in me to do some great thing. I truly wish, I knew what that was.
If you are reading this, then maybe you have an answer. Someone somewhere please give me the damn answer.
This quote and this phrase made me do some serious soul searching. I look back at the events of the past quite often and I see that I have been "led" by a desire for freedom and love. As far as anything professionally, I kind of was simply existing. Along the path of my own life, I knew that being an artist was part of who I am. I have went to so many different avenues of searching for what type of artwork and artistic creation was my own niche.
I love doing character art and even at times some background design. In the past, I was obsessed with comic book artwork and even with trying to work with Marvel Comics. That dream took a major detour when I had to enter the Army. But during basic training, I was encouraged to draw and paint on all of the doors. I had stopped drawing shortly thereafter and was in limbo for a few years.
After the military, I was drifting in choices on school and that is when I was encouraged by a long time old friend of mine to "continue drawing." He went out of his way to make a website and promote me with current and new drawing listings. This then pushed me in the direction of the Art Institute of Atlanta. I wanted to draw and enhance myself on a higher career with my illustration skills. At the time, there was no major in Illustration. Animation had a lot of the courses I wanted to take, but there were financial obstacles that prevented me from joining the animation major.
After I left the college without a degree or even hope, I drifted into a state of depression. I felt like I failed myself, my family, and everyone that believed in me. I finally received work at a hardware company and "survived" for 9 years. During that time, I gained a massive amount of weight, attained an addictive nature to video games, and gave up on ever thinking about love. "Is this it? Is all that my life has to offer?" These were the questions I was thinking to myself. Slowly but surely, one friend, two friends, and then even a whole tribe of people were encouraging me to get back into drawing.
I've since bought many art supplies, posted many pictures on the web, and even been paid by commissions to produce work for clients. I have since left that hardware store, but the money wasn't flowing to me like it used to. Now, I'm at another crossroads and have no idea of what to do. I do know, somewhere, somehow, it will all work out for me. But there is this lingering feeling of where is the big thing that I'm supposed to do? There are people who even now, are believing in me to do some great thing. I truly wish, I knew what that was.
If you are reading this, then maybe you have an answer. Someone somewhere please give me the damn answer.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Something I wonder
I often wondered, why it would seem that I was always rejected from groups of people. I know for a fact that my age had little to do with that. I examine myself and my persona, and I see a person who is seeking truth above spreading lies. I see a man that is an explorer with a large heart that loves to help others. I see myself having a simple set of morals of treat others how I want to be treated.
But at the same time, I also see how I speak about what I see in others and ponder that because I speak about what I see, that is the reason why I get rejected. I do not go out of my way to shame people. I see it as a way for them to let go and confront themselves as to what is holding themselves back. But as you know, and as I know, many people do not like the reality of who they actually are.
It is because I see who people actually are underneath the small talk that I often run into this sort of issue. People who are not comfortable with who they actually are, tend to run in terror from me. I don't actually consciously "do" anything to them. It is spiritually, where they feel affected and judged in a sort of way. I don't try to devalue people for what they have done, seeing as I myself have sinned on a constant basis. But I own everything about myself, from the good things to even the bad mistakes that I have made.
I guess most people are just not prepared to do that sort of thing. Most people are unprepared with dealing with the weight of what they do and how it affects others. I have watched it affect people to such a point, that they will hold a feeling of "distrust" or "disdain" for me even in a dire situation where it is not beneficial. Being "right" is not always being beneficial to what may be needed. It only proves that some people only desire what they desire, no matter how right or wrong it may be altogether.
But at the same time, I also see how I speak about what I see in others and ponder that because I speak about what I see, that is the reason why I get rejected. I do not go out of my way to shame people. I see it as a way for them to let go and confront themselves as to what is holding themselves back. But as you know, and as I know, many people do not like the reality of who they actually are.
It is because I see who people actually are underneath the small talk that I often run into this sort of issue. People who are not comfortable with who they actually are, tend to run in terror from me. I don't actually consciously "do" anything to them. It is spiritually, where they feel affected and judged in a sort of way. I don't try to devalue people for what they have done, seeing as I myself have sinned on a constant basis. But I own everything about myself, from the good things to even the bad mistakes that I have made.
I guess most people are just not prepared to do that sort of thing. Most people are unprepared with dealing with the weight of what they do and how it affects others. I have watched it affect people to such a point, that they will hold a feeling of "distrust" or "disdain" for me even in a dire situation where it is not beneficial. Being "right" is not always being beneficial to what may be needed. It only proves that some people only desire what they desire, no matter how right or wrong it may be altogether.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
11/01/2015
November is already looking up for me. Everything is coming to me at the right time and I so enjoy it. I truly am liking being vegan now and the healthy benefits it has brought into my lifetime. So far, I have not fallen ill under any circumstances. This is a huge plus for me, since I used to get sick, quite often.
Being a vegan has also upped my testosterone quite a bit. I'm truly not exaggerating about this at all. I feel so much more energy to do the things I love to do ever since I have changed this diet for myself. It is truly uplifting to notice from all angles to be honest. I also enjoy that my grocery bill has went down significantly.
Funny, something that I swore up and down I'd never do ended up being a great lifestyle for me in the end. I see myself being on this path for the rest of my days. "But Q, don't you miss meat?" Honestly? After all of those sick days, and meat preparation? Nah, I'm good. I feel so much more alive now than I have in a very long time.
There are going to be times when you may slip and eat something you really shouldn't. That is alright though. Things are going to happen and people often slip. Just get back up, dust yourself off, and keep it moving in the direction you want to go. When I look back at my life, I realize the hardest part of life is simply deciding WHAT I actually wanted. Once I had established with clarity what I actually wanted, I always received it.
I know what I want, and I know I will get it so much faster now. That's the beauty of the Law of Attraction, you really do manifest it once you believe it. It feels so nice.
Being a vegan has also upped my testosterone quite a bit. I'm truly not exaggerating about this at all. I feel so much more energy to do the things I love to do ever since I have changed this diet for myself. It is truly uplifting to notice from all angles to be honest. I also enjoy that my grocery bill has went down significantly.
Funny, something that I swore up and down I'd never do ended up being a great lifestyle for me in the end. I see myself being on this path for the rest of my days. "But Q, don't you miss meat?" Honestly? After all of those sick days, and meat preparation? Nah, I'm good. I feel so much more alive now than I have in a very long time.
There are going to be times when you may slip and eat something you really shouldn't. That is alright though. Things are going to happen and people often slip. Just get back up, dust yourself off, and keep it moving in the direction you want to go. When I look back at my life, I realize the hardest part of life is simply deciding WHAT I actually wanted. Once I had established with clarity what I actually wanted, I always received it.
I know what I want, and I know I will get it so much faster now. That's the beauty of the Law of Attraction, you really do manifest it once you believe it. It feels so nice.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Loving me again.
It isn't until I learned to love who I was, that I actually found peace. Strip away all of the ego and the drama and the fake people, and there I was laying underneath other people's needs. Afraid, lost, and even a bit ashamed, I have come to accept who I actually am. This is a new movement that I am enjoying. I enjoy the self. I enjoy my own company. I enjoy my own time. I enjoy everything I have to offer in this state of mind right this minute.
There is so much to be grateful for in this lifetime. I'm really thankful to all my readers who have supported me. I am really thankful for all the love I have received and all the people who help make my journey possible. Thank you all indeed.
There is so much to be grateful for in this lifetime. I'm really thankful to all my readers who have supported me. I am really thankful for all the love I have received and all the people who help make my journey possible. Thank you all indeed.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
10/25/15
It looks like things are on the up and up after all. I may even end up actually moving out to Los Angeles pretty soon. I'm not going to lie, I'm very stoked about it. I wanted to see L.A. for a long time. I know I always end up getting what I want in the scope of things, so now, I'm happy this agency may be providing a way. This is good news for me since I have been wanting to leave Atlanta for a while now.
I've done a lot here. I've moved here as a teenager, graduated school, and even went to college here. The rest feels like it has been a hazy dream. A downward spiral of family, past friends, and even darker relationships that led me to a spiritual awakening. I am truly honored and blessed that things went upward from where I came from. I spent a long time working in a retail store and from there I learned a great many things.
The first major thing that hit me, was this overwhelming sadness. I was content for what I had, but I always had this feeling like I could do so much more with my life. Slowly but surely, I sought out inspiration for what to do with my life. I had once again ignored drawing, and it came back to haunt me ferociously. Every time I tried to ignore being an artist, my mind would feel "lost". Thanks to a few good friends, I was able to free myself of that environment and allow myself to explore what I am supposed to actually be.
I've since left retail as of one year ago today. I managed a room for rent in a house in Midtown for a while too. I do miss that place though. As of now, I'm in Buckhead with some friends. I know I'll have my own place again soon and I am so ready for it to happen. I know that I will have everything I desire, and now I am letting it all happen.
I've done a lot here. I've moved here as a teenager, graduated school, and even went to college here. The rest feels like it has been a hazy dream. A downward spiral of family, past friends, and even darker relationships that led me to a spiritual awakening. I am truly honored and blessed that things went upward from where I came from. I spent a long time working in a retail store and from there I learned a great many things.
The first major thing that hit me, was this overwhelming sadness. I was content for what I had, but I always had this feeling like I could do so much more with my life. Slowly but surely, I sought out inspiration for what to do with my life. I had once again ignored drawing, and it came back to haunt me ferociously. Every time I tried to ignore being an artist, my mind would feel "lost". Thanks to a few good friends, I was able to free myself of that environment and allow myself to explore what I am supposed to actually be.
I've since left retail as of one year ago today. I managed a room for rent in a house in Midtown for a while too. I do miss that place though. As of now, I'm in Buckhead with some friends. I know I'll have my own place again soon and I am so ready for it to happen. I know that I will have everything I desire, and now I am letting it all happen.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
10/14/2015
None of the world's troubles have meaning, until you give it the power to. None of the people in the world will have meaning, until you give them power to. Your focus is the pivotal point of where power belongs. That is the essence to the secret of life itself. If you feel you have no power, then know that you are "giving" it to someone else that you focus on. If you focus on you, then your power belongs to you.
I watch the world as so many people will be given "clues" as to how to get out of their situations, and yet they will strive ever the more to fight against time. They will wrestle with obstacles the world over before confronting the one thing that can actually block their own happiness, their ego.
I watch the world as so many people will be given "clues" as to how to get out of their situations, and yet they will strive ever the more to fight against time. They will wrestle with obstacles the world over before confronting the one thing that can actually block their own happiness, their ego.
Monday, October 12, 2015
10/12/2015
It is in the way people act that they reveal themselves to be what they truly are. But it is in your own power to decide whether or not those actions have any power over you. I have discovered in my journey that people will say all sorts of things, but it is the actions they perform that shows you exactly what is most important on their mind.
Instead of focusing upon the negative things people tend to do, I have learned to take what good memories they have given and focus instead on new positive things you want for yourself. I guess all of this comes from time and time again, being disappointed in other people for what they chose to do. That and not being involved in their lives or being given a "feeling" of love or appreciation.
What this truly was in looking back at it, was me not giving myself the love and appreciation that I desired. I didn't take myself seriously or bothered to care about what I actually wanted. I've never allowed myself to be generous with my own self. I never allowed myself to be generous with my own time to me. And this is the quintessential lesson that I am learning to uphold. What do I actually want? What do I have to appreciate about myself now? What is stopping me from being happy right now?
It is questions like these that lead to my own road. These questions that lead to my own enlightenment. I often allow myself to daydream of better things and a better life for myself. I tend to enjoy it a bit much. It was part of how I escaped the mental cruelty of a past born of huge parenting errors and a most volatile situation. I do find however, that this same practice is the whole L.O.A. in practice and execution.
It allowed me to feel a sense of happiness and escape despite my own surroundings. It allowed me to feel good in my own world of my own choosing. It reminded me that the imagination is far more powerful if given fuel than anything going on in the material world in the present. The presence of what is, does not truly rule "what can be." A person's past does not dictate that same person's future. I will use this to my own advantage once again and be grateful for what is.
I will delve into that world of the imaginary worlds that were far more fun to explore. I will use every bit of this moment to enjoy what I want in my life. It isn't money that necessarily rule your happiness. It is happiness that ultimately rules the life of the person with money being an afterthought.
Instead of focusing upon the negative things people tend to do, I have learned to take what good memories they have given and focus instead on new positive things you want for yourself. I guess all of this comes from time and time again, being disappointed in other people for what they chose to do. That and not being involved in their lives or being given a "feeling" of love or appreciation.
What this truly was in looking back at it, was me not giving myself the love and appreciation that I desired. I didn't take myself seriously or bothered to care about what I actually wanted. I've never allowed myself to be generous with my own self. I never allowed myself to be generous with my own time to me. And this is the quintessential lesson that I am learning to uphold. What do I actually want? What do I have to appreciate about myself now? What is stopping me from being happy right now?
It is questions like these that lead to my own road. These questions that lead to my own enlightenment. I often allow myself to daydream of better things and a better life for myself. I tend to enjoy it a bit much. It was part of how I escaped the mental cruelty of a past born of huge parenting errors and a most volatile situation. I do find however, that this same practice is the whole L.O.A. in practice and execution.
It allowed me to feel a sense of happiness and escape despite my own surroundings. It allowed me to feel good in my own world of my own choosing. It reminded me that the imagination is far more powerful if given fuel than anything going on in the material world in the present. The presence of what is, does not truly rule "what can be." A person's past does not dictate that same person's future. I will use this to my own advantage once again and be grateful for what is.
I will delve into that world of the imaginary worlds that were far more fun to explore. I will use every bit of this moment to enjoy what I want in my life. It isn't money that necessarily rule your happiness. It is happiness that ultimately rules the life of the person with money being an afterthought.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
the masks people wear.
I often wonder why it is that people will go out of their way to hide who they truly are. Upon further and closer inspection, anyone can spot a fake a mile away. I've seen people go so far as to recreate their entire image into something completely false just to make themselves feel some sort of value towards an ego that is obviously dominant. The real personality will always emerge no matter how hard you attempt to hide it. Why bother hiding?
It is the same with so many people who will hate on the LGBT community and then in turn are caught in risky behavior. Senators that vote on bills against who they truly are, always end up caught. What's worse, is that these same senators and politicians build themselves on a river of lies and always get found out in the end anyways. So my question I have with the world at large is, why bother lying? You don't have to lie about who you really are. You don't have to go out of your way to impress anyone because you don't love who you really are.
This lack of self appreciation is dangerous to behold. I don't know the exact origin of the mask people wear, but the need for validation from an outside source is quite appalling. It would seem there is a need for some people to just feel appreciated by others for some sort of sense of worth. The funny thing is, if you don't value yourself, then other people will follow suit and not value you either. The lies I've seen people say just to cover up their authentic selves.
There is the real meat and potatoes as to what I'm saying. A person who is truly in touch with their true authentic self is a dangerous thing to behold in a world of falseness. I look at myself as imperfect and yet loving at the same time. I look to myself for my own value and appreciation. Why? Because, I have learned to love my mistakes. I have learned to open up and accept that I have flaws. I have learned that the very things I was shunning were parts of me that in all reality, should be embraced.
If I can love my imperfect ways enough, there would always be something to appreciate. If you can appreciate things a bit more, then everything else will fall into place anyays.
Just food for thought.
It is the same with so many people who will hate on the LGBT community and then in turn are caught in risky behavior. Senators that vote on bills against who they truly are, always end up caught. What's worse, is that these same senators and politicians build themselves on a river of lies and always get found out in the end anyways. So my question I have with the world at large is, why bother lying? You don't have to lie about who you really are. You don't have to go out of your way to impress anyone because you don't love who you really are.
This lack of self appreciation is dangerous to behold. I don't know the exact origin of the mask people wear, but the need for validation from an outside source is quite appalling. It would seem there is a need for some people to just feel appreciated by others for some sort of sense of worth. The funny thing is, if you don't value yourself, then other people will follow suit and not value you either. The lies I've seen people say just to cover up their authentic selves.
There is the real meat and potatoes as to what I'm saying. A person who is truly in touch with their true authentic self is a dangerous thing to behold in a world of falseness. I look at myself as imperfect and yet loving at the same time. I look to myself for my own value and appreciation. Why? Because, I have learned to love my mistakes. I have learned to open up and accept that I have flaws. I have learned that the very things I was shunning were parts of me that in all reality, should be embraced.
If I can love my imperfect ways enough, there would always be something to appreciate. If you can appreciate things a bit more, then everything else will fall into place anyays.
Just food for thought.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
10/6/2015
I am enjoying this process of creation. I enjoy the people that are in my life as all threats have went away. I love coming home to a beautiful place filled with everything that delights me. I enjoy the flow of money and success that are mine to have. I love how fast things are working for me. I allow myself joy, love, and success. You have to enjoy what truly is in your mind before it can become reality.
I am quickly seeing things unfold even in the comfort of a place of survival. I am a wealthy business owner and lover of arts and antiquity. I enjoy luxury on a scale that was never known before. I invite the energy of luxury within my life. I invite the energy of love within my life. All things are working just fine right now for me. I give daily gratitude to my existence and to the wonderful things that keep coming to me.
Life isn't about searching for blessings. It is about counting the ones you already have. And, in time, you will begin to see far more things to give thanks for.
I am quickly seeing things unfold even in the comfort of a place of survival. I am a wealthy business owner and lover of arts and antiquity. I enjoy luxury on a scale that was never known before. I invite the energy of luxury within my life. I invite the energy of love within my life. All things are working just fine right now for me. I give daily gratitude to my existence and to the wonderful things that keep coming to me.
Life isn't about searching for blessings. It is about counting the ones you already have. And, in time, you will begin to see far more things to give thanks for.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
10/04/2015
I will not save a person that refuses to try to save themselves from their own self created problems. I will no longer care for those who attempt to blame others for their own manifestations of foolishness. I am seeing this transformation of self and I am relishing in it. One by one, everything and everyone that isn't on the path any longer is being removed. There is only the frequency of what I am and the frequencies of what I am not now.
I can tell from how people are behaving, that I am leaving all of this stagnant drama behind. I am happy indeed that I no longer am attracting problematic people in my life. They are running away from my presence in droves and I am actually entertained. How does the saying go? When one door closes, another one opens. I am a person that went from being miserable working a full time job and being a part time artist to a person that is finding himself again in a myriad of possibilities.
I used to peer endlessly at the desk at that past job, wondering where my life was headed. I thought of the many misleading things society tries to place within your mind that things don't work out unless you are working full time. But now thanks to Law of Attraction, I can see that this simply isn't the case at all. Whatever you focus on grows. So when I stopped focusing on what I didn't like about my past and focused on the gratitude of the present.
The only true purpose in any person's life is joy. The form of that joy is different for each person, but since I chose to follow joy, my life has always had this abundance of freedom. For all of this, I am eternally grateful.
-the Wavelength-
I can tell from how people are behaving, that I am leaving all of this stagnant drama behind. I am happy indeed that I no longer am attracting problematic people in my life. They are running away from my presence in droves and I am actually entertained. How does the saying go? When one door closes, another one opens. I am a person that went from being miserable working a full time job and being a part time artist to a person that is finding himself again in a myriad of possibilities.
I used to peer endlessly at the desk at that past job, wondering where my life was headed. I thought of the many misleading things society tries to place within your mind that things don't work out unless you are working full time. But now thanks to Law of Attraction, I can see that this simply isn't the case at all. Whatever you focus on grows. So when I stopped focusing on what I didn't like about my past and focused on the gratitude of the present.
The only true purpose in any person's life is joy. The form of that joy is different for each person, but since I chose to follow joy, my life has always had this abundance of freedom. For all of this, I am eternally grateful.
-the Wavelength-
Saturday, October 3, 2015
10/3/2015
I love the energy of positive thinking. I enjoy the people that I am surrounded by and the love that I have for my own self. I have accomplished a great deal of things in such a short lifetime. I really do not give myself enough love or enough credit. I shall change that today and hereafter. I love you so much you silly intellectual. You have survived a great amount of things in your life, and it has made you a much brighter and much more benevolent person.
You have come from a magical island full of poverty and dreams and survived many ordeals to your own person and your family. You have pushed past abuse and found peace despite so many conflicts. You are a lovable man with wonderful attributes that people adore. So stop being so hard on yourself. Look at how far you've come.
Cosmic
You have come from a magical island full of poverty and dreams and survived many ordeals to your own person and your family. You have pushed past abuse and found peace despite so many conflicts. You are a lovable man with wonderful attributes that people adore. So stop being so hard on yourself. Look at how far you've come.
Cosmic
Monday, September 28, 2015
9/28/15
I enjoy my life as a career artist. I enjoy being successful in creating works of art that make people very happy. I enjoy the artwork that I make and love exactly how it makes me feel. I love how people are flocking all over to pay for it. I enjoy so much about my career that it feels natural. I love how great things are feeling for me. The requests are easy and fun. I love how much money people pay for my work at all levels. I enjoy even the erotic art I make. I love the gym that I go to. I am in a great condition physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am a very successful artist of my field and love being who I am.
I am grateful for this experience indeed.
I am grateful for this experience indeed.
Friday, September 25, 2015
9/25/15
The golden rule of manifestation is to act as if it were so. I learned this phrase again today and couldn't agree more. Now that I understand this, I'm going to change frequencies and speak of what I want rather than what is. So let's practice this in my blog sessions shall we?
I am living very well off in a large two story condo. I have the best looking glass and contemporary furniture that matches a theme set for my home. It looks very nice and the whole home is comforting to all who come in. People love my home and what I have in there. It is very fun having so many people interested in coming over. Entertaining guests is so fulfilling and moving. I enjoy my life that I am living now. I live in abundance and joy and have need for nothing. There is always restaurants to go to and places and events to attend.
My husband and I are constantly invited to many places. It feels really good to see him and to speak to him. He speaks to my mind and my spirit. We enjoy shopping for nice clothing and just being together. Being together is a refreshing and great experience. Love is always in abundance in my life from all sources. He is in great shape and is always encouraging to me. I love speaking to him and feeling his emotions on all subjects. Spending time together is exactly what I love about my life.
I am never bored as we are constantly loved on by the world we live in. This is such a joyous occasion to celebrate our lives together. I love laying with him in the bed and having fun around the condo. We also love to travel to exotic places and take a lot of pictures together. I love how he makes me feel so much joy. It is good to have this vegan lifestyle. The food is so wonderful that we eat and so nutritious.
I love talking to people about my life. I am in love with the state of joy that it is in everything I do. There is so much joy to spread to the world as I have been given much abundance in finances and joy. I am thankful at all times as life is just bliss.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
9/24/15
I am so thankful for everything I have been given. I have an opportunity to create art everyday. I get to clear my head of the distractions of the world and actually feel more accomplished in what I do for a living for a change. I finally get to be myself and focus instead of just react. I also am truly thankful that God in his own little way, has watched over me and protected me this long from all harm.
I have lasted four decades on this earth. Now instead of just wondering, I am fully creating. A man's highest desire above all other things, is freedom. I understand this now. It isn't until you truly lose everything that you realize you are free to do anything. I'm taking full advantage of this freedom and pushing artwork and costume design to a whole new level.
I am able to use what is given and make even more things that are useful now. 2015 is truly a blessed year for me. I totally am enjoying this. Thank you so much Universe.
Q
I have lasted four decades on this earth. Now instead of just wondering, I am fully creating. A man's highest desire above all other things, is freedom. I understand this now. It isn't until you truly lose everything that you realize you are free to do anything. I'm taking full advantage of this freedom and pushing artwork and costume design to a whole new level.
I am able to use what is given and make even more things that are useful now. 2015 is truly a blessed year for me. I totally am enjoying this. Thank you so much Universe.
Q
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Another full circle.
I have drifted quite a bit this year in 2015. This is what I have learned thus far. Anything you focus upon in your mind and hold there, WILL manifest in some way, shape or form. The tricky part, is not focusing on the how, but on focusing upon the energy of already having it. I can now say this with confidence because everything I have wanted to happen more or less, has happened this year.
I am now in the middle of some shifting changes that are finally looking positive for my life. By simply changing that focus, I am now in the grace of becoming everything I ever wanted to be. I am finally a freelance artist. I am finally well loved and respected, and I am finally and most importantly on a path of joy.This has turned out quite well indeed.
If you never believe good things can happen in your life, then they simply will not occur. If you focus so hard on what is your current present in a negative way, then you will only end up attracting more of the same thing. It is hard to practice at first, but you eventually get better as you tune your thoughts. In tuning my own thoughts, I am no longer working in retail. I am now on my way to becoming an independent artist, and I am also bringing into my life the love I've always wanted.
Everything is changing so fast that even I can't seem to understand it. Let us see where this goes shall we?
The Wavelength
I am now in the middle of some shifting changes that are finally looking positive for my life. By simply changing that focus, I am now in the grace of becoming everything I ever wanted to be. I am finally a freelance artist. I am finally well loved and respected, and I am finally and most importantly on a path of joy.This has turned out quite well indeed.
If you never believe good things can happen in your life, then they simply will not occur. If you focus so hard on what is your current present in a negative way, then you will only end up attracting more of the same thing. It is hard to practice at first, but you eventually get better as you tune your thoughts. In tuning my own thoughts, I am no longer working in retail. I am now on my way to becoming an independent artist, and I am also bringing into my life the love I've always wanted.
Everything is changing so fast that even I can't seem to understand it. Let us see where this goes shall we?
The Wavelength
Friday, July 24, 2015
The tides of change.
It has been a while. I guess because last time, I was going through a huge turmoil within my emotional life. I was going through so many things that were distracting to the one element of what is actually important to me, myself. I allowed the concepts of what society thinks is structured and normal to place me in a box. Being a creature of expansion and exploration, I have never allowed such things to truly define who and what I am.
I think I have just reached a point in my life, that I know that I am meant for great things. I am meant to do something with a lot of meaning in it. I'm still just trying to figure out that great thing. I am still trying to understand what it is that I am meant to do. Most people will tell you to "figure it out." They go off of what their parents have told them. The traditional concepts of get a job, go to college, graduate college, get another job, get married, have kids, and die.
I just do not see myself in that traditional mold at all. I truly never have fit into any mold society has tried to place me in. I have spent far too much time exploring who I am as a person and experiencing new things that I just didn't bother worrying about what other people have. Funny thing is, I spent so much of my own life fighting against a system that never fully accepted me in the first place. I had no choice but to define my own identity within a world that never respected me from since birth.
I had to give myself respect before the rest of the world followed suit. I had to give myself love and appreciation before the rest of the world followed suit with that as well. I had to understand that I am my own value of things and vibration before the world valued what it was that I was doing.
You know what, I'm going to keep exploring and keep having fun, because being happy is exactly where it is at.
The Wavelength
I think I have just reached a point in my life, that I know that I am meant for great things. I am meant to do something with a lot of meaning in it. I'm still just trying to figure out that great thing. I am still trying to understand what it is that I am meant to do. Most people will tell you to "figure it out." They go off of what their parents have told them. The traditional concepts of get a job, go to college, graduate college, get another job, get married, have kids, and die.
I just do not see myself in that traditional mold at all. I truly never have fit into any mold society has tried to place me in. I have spent far too much time exploring who I am as a person and experiencing new things that I just didn't bother worrying about what other people have. Funny thing is, I spent so much of my own life fighting against a system that never fully accepted me in the first place. I had no choice but to define my own identity within a world that never respected me from since birth.
I had to give myself respect before the rest of the world followed suit. I had to give myself love and appreciation before the rest of the world followed suit with that as well. I had to understand that I am my own value of things and vibration before the world valued what it was that I was doing.
You know what, I'm going to keep exploring and keep having fun, because being happy is exactly where it is at.
The Wavelength
Thursday, July 16, 2015
The inner self - my musings in meditation
So at the behest of a good friend, I realized that I hadn't meditated in a long long time. Usually I would put myself in a state that would be meditative but not the full immersion. Anyways, long story short, I was meditating and it was revealed to me that I am some sort of teacher. I saw myself going into some sort of school that was special in some sort of way with different students of different ages.
In this school, I was wearing the suit and tie and I was teaching them things they needed to grow with. I was at peace and in my own element of complete bliss. I was calm and I was instructing them in something. I was filled with a great feeling that I hadn't experienced in such a long time. It was fulfilling and yet informative. I was giving them the gift to see things they have never before seen and yet allowing them to do it with their own eyes.
To see the world with your spiritual eyes is a primary lesson in spiritual practice. I am quite inspired now to allow this manifestation to occur. The beauty of the Law of Attraction, is the complete journey that comes along with it. Things seem to fall into place without much consideration for work or even for that doomed question of "how". I feel at ease now that I am starting to fully grasp exactly what it is that makes the Law of Attraction possible.
Before I realized that we are all guided by desire and that with intention, we try to bring forth that desire within our livelihood. Usually it takes the form of "hard work" or some sort of effort. The actual reality of it is, we learn through that work, to simply believe it is already occurred or already happening. Then when we reach a state of total allowing, it is then that the manifestation occurs. So when you can see yourself with the object or thing that you desire already, you are creating it within your own reality.
The next part is where it gets tricky. This is the part where you have to only love the feeling of already having it. When you can let the "feeling" be enough, you will allow the possibility of that reality to occur. The focus is what then occurs.
In this school, I was wearing the suit and tie and I was teaching them things they needed to grow with. I was at peace and in my own element of complete bliss. I was calm and I was instructing them in something. I was filled with a great feeling that I hadn't experienced in such a long time. It was fulfilling and yet informative. I was giving them the gift to see things they have never before seen and yet allowing them to do it with their own eyes.
To see the world with your spiritual eyes is a primary lesson in spiritual practice. I am quite inspired now to allow this manifestation to occur. The beauty of the Law of Attraction, is the complete journey that comes along with it. Things seem to fall into place without much consideration for work or even for that doomed question of "how". I feel at ease now that I am starting to fully grasp exactly what it is that makes the Law of Attraction possible.
Before I realized that we are all guided by desire and that with intention, we try to bring forth that desire within our livelihood. Usually it takes the form of "hard work" or some sort of effort. The actual reality of it is, we learn through that work, to simply believe it is already occurred or already happening. Then when we reach a state of total allowing, it is then that the manifestation occurs. So when you can see yourself with the object or thing that you desire already, you are creating it within your own reality.
The next part is where it gets tricky. This is the part where you have to only love the feeling of already having it. When you can let the "feeling" be enough, you will allow the possibility of that reality to occur. The focus is what then occurs.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Desperate Tag.
I'm not going to lie, I'm going through quite a bit right now. I could use a friend in this moment. I'm anxious about how this life will turn out for me. Right now though, I have reached an all time low. I don't know what to do at this point. My life feels like it is in shambles. I have no job, my commissions have dried up, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm squatting at a friend's place.
June was a month of love and utter bliss. I felt empowered and even on top of my game. I reached into the vortex and things were turning around. I know now, that I have made some mistakes. I know now, that I have to dig deep and figure some things out. I just feel so lost and alone in this mess. At least I do know, that this isn't anything of what I want. So I guess the safest thing to do is to channel my emotions and my focus on what I actually want and just ignore the current reality.
This is a direct reflection to how my life started out 10 years ago. I was in another very similar situation. I felt very trapped and alone despite being surrounded by others. I was unemployed, and just dropped out of college. Everything felt awful and I sunk into a very deep depression. It took me quite some time to climb out of that depression.
Things are very different this time around though. I understand the Law of Attraction. I understand my emotions, my thoughts, and my focus can change the total outcome of my own life. I am not afraid of tomorrow anymore like I used to be. I am learning to master my thoughts beyond a situation, a person, or even a place. I know there is a turning point to this. I know that I will be just fine soon. How may not be important, but I know that what I want shall happen soon enough in one shape or another.
God help me.
-Q-
June was a month of love and utter bliss. I felt empowered and even on top of my game. I reached into the vortex and things were turning around. I know now, that I have made some mistakes. I know now, that I have to dig deep and figure some things out. I just feel so lost and alone in this mess. At least I do know, that this isn't anything of what I want. So I guess the safest thing to do is to channel my emotions and my focus on what I actually want and just ignore the current reality.
This is a direct reflection to how my life started out 10 years ago. I was in another very similar situation. I felt very trapped and alone despite being surrounded by others. I was unemployed, and just dropped out of college. Everything felt awful and I sunk into a very deep depression. It took me quite some time to climb out of that depression.
Things are very different this time around though. I understand the Law of Attraction. I understand my emotions, my thoughts, and my focus can change the total outcome of my own life. I am not afraid of tomorrow anymore like I used to be. I am learning to master my thoughts beyond a situation, a person, or even a place. I know there is a turning point to this. I know that I will be just fine soon. How may not be important, but I know that what I want shall happen soon enough in one shape or another.
God help me.
-Q-
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
The spiritual advisor
It would seem that my life's adventures and journey have brought me to this point of realization. I am a guide of sorts for those who have lost their way. I am a guide to those looking to find themselves. I will not hesitate to admit that I have spiritual gifts and abilities that may assist others in their moments of confusion.
I've always been different. I've always knew that there was something "different" about me altogether. I'm not even speaking about sexuality or place of origin. I mean in the whole schematic of my inner workings and how I tick. I've known for a long time things that other people at my age range didn't know. I've tried to discuss these things with relatives and it fell on deaf or ignorant ears. But it wasn't until I was forced to deal with a very real supernatural experience was I able to truly be able to fully become myself.
People will tell you they have seen many things. Among those things they will tell you that they have seen ghosts, angels, demons, departed ones, and maybe the occasional UFO. I on the other hand have seen all of that and a lot more. I have experienced the spiritual nexus of creation. I have seen God. I have been touched at the core of my being and a switch turned on. What was there had become enhanced. I went from having dreams or deja vu to seeing moments in a person's past life. I can see a person's future in a moment like a scene in a movie. I can alter reality to fit what is needed within a moment. I am admitting all of this because I am now ready to expand.
I am now ready to assist the world. I am ready to let it be known to others like me that I am here. I am letting it be known to all those who wish to seek me out that I can pull them from the darkness. I am prepared to illuminate so much more than just the obvious, but also the hidden within each of us. I guess, it is just time to accept it overall. I have ran away looking for almost anything that I was "good" at. But deep within, I always knew far too much about life, death, the in between worlds and the outer dimensions. I stand as a testimony, that not everything is concrete. I am here to help you world. Send me the donations, and I will very much impress you.
The Sorcerer
Q
I've always been different. I've always knew that there was something "different" about me altogether. I'm not even speaking about sexuality or place of origin. I mean in the whole schematic of my inner workings and how I tick. I've known for a long time things that other people at my age range didn't know. I've tried to discuss these things with relatives and it fell on deaf or ignorant ears. But it wasn't until I was forced to deal with a very real supernatural experience was I able to truly be able to fully become myself.
People will tell you they have seen many things. Among those things they will tell you that they have seen ghosts, angels, demons, departed ones, and maybe the occasional UFO. I on the other hand have seen all of that and a lot more. I have experienced the spiritual nexus of creation. I have seen God. I have been touched at the core of my being and a switch turned on. What was there had become enhanced. I went from having dreams or deja vu to seeing moments in a person's past life. I can see a person's future in a moment like a scene in a movie. I can alter reality to fit what is needed within a moment. I am admitting all of this because I am now ready to expand.
I am now ready to assist the world. I am ready to let it be known to others like me that I am here. I am letting it be known to all those who wish to seek me out that I can pull them from the darkness. I am prepared to illuminate so much more than just the obvious, but also the hidden within each of us. I guess, it is just time to accept it overall. I have ran away looking for almost anything that I was "good" at. But deep within, I always knew far too much about life, death, the in between worlds and the outer dimensions. I stand as a testimony, that not everything is concrete. I am here to help you world. Send me the donations, and I will very much impress you.
The Sorcerer
Q
Monday, April 20, 2015
Drifting
I have reached a point in my life that I have found myself drifting in an abyss of thoughts. I wake up thankful for the life I was allowed to live, knowing that it can only get better from here. I am an artist that wants to be well paid and respected for what he does. But truth be told, I realize now it isn't about what others actually think.
Well to be honest, it isn't about focusing on impressing anyone else. That was a mistake I have made for a long time in my lifetime. I always wanted some sort of nod of approval or at least acknowledgement for the things I had done. But somewhere within adolescence I realized that such approval was just not going to show up. I had to impress myself with what I was learning and doing. But that is the coup de grace of the whole thing. I am my own worst critic and yet I was trying to be impressed by what I am working towards.
It is always like that for most artists. We always criticize ourselves with not being good enough to make an impression. We always submit ourselves to the cracking whip of some invisible autonomy that actually lives within ourselves. That is why most artists cheapen themselves to make a quick dollar when their work is worth just so much more. Self respect and dignity pouring down a drain of empty approval and empty promises never to be fulfilled until we either wake up from the nightmare of disbelief or until we "make it" within our own eyes.
But here I am, drifting within thoughts. It has always been in my nature to want to attempt to solve things. I want to be successful. I want to be well known. I want to be loved. I want to travel and explore more of the world at large. The difference now for me, is now I don't focus on "how" to do anything. The Law of Attraction actually exists and now I am using it to attain what I completely desire.
I am now changing frequencies of thought to finally escape a negative past with low vibrations and enter the wavelength of my actual desires. The only thing now to do, is to enter into the frequency to attain what I want faster. So now I am testing which is more true, vibrational frequency or actual skill of the pencil. Let's see which one happens first shall we?
Q
Well to be honest, it isn't about focusing on impressing anyone else. That was a mistake I have made for a long time in my lifetime. I always wanted some sort of nod of approval or at least acknowledgement for the things I had done. But somewhere within adolescence I realized that such approval was just not going to show up. I had to impress myself with what I was learning and doing. But that is the coup de grace of the whole thing. I am my own worst critic and yet I was trying to be impressed by what I am working towards.
It is always like that for most artists. We always criticize ourselves with not being good enough to make an impression. We always submit ourselves to the cracking whip of some invisible autonomy that actually lives within ourselves. That is why most artists cheapen themselves to make a quick dollar when their work is worth just so much more. Self respect and dignity pouring down a drain of empty approval and empty promises never to be fulfilled until we either wake up from the nightmare of disbelief or until we "make it" within our own eyes.
But here I am, drifting within thoughts. It has always been in my nature to want to attempt to solve things. I want to be successful. I want to be well known. I want to be loved. I want to travel and explore more of the world at large. The difference now for me, is now I don't focus on "how" to do anything. The Law of Attraction actually exists and now I am using it to attain what I completely desire.
I am now changing frequencies of thought to finally escape a negative past with low vibrations and enter the wavelength of my actual desires. The only thing now to do, is to enter into the frequency to attain what I want faster. So now I am testing which is more true, vibrational frequency or actual skill of the pencil. Let's see which one happens first shall we?
Q
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Hidden on Wundagore Mountain
I've reached a point in my life where I can finally breathe. I have left behind me so many things that have troubled me. This time around, everything is just getting better and better. Hope is the mightiest inspiration next to love and my life is filled with so much hope right now. Why am I hiding from the world? Well, to be honest, I have to repair myself after all the damage I had endured. I now stand in much better conditions and I am now applying the "law of attraction" to gather my desires.
When I fully studied what the law of attraction was, it made perfect sense as to what was going on in my life. Why I continued to endure conditions that I didn't want. The truest answer was that I brought them upon myself. I do not shed blame on anyone else. I brought those people within my life. I brought all of those actions upon my life. Now that I know how to focus, I have turned the ship around. Now that I am no longer concerned as to "how", I am now lifting myself out of despair.
This year has already proven to be beautiful and fulfilling for so many. I no longer "wonder" what is going to happen with fear and sadness. I am now embracing the gentle flow of the stream from which I came from. There is no damage to fear. There is no obstacle to worry about. There is no opposition to conquer. All of this is to be solved within my own mind.
When I fully studied what the law of attraction was, it made perfect sense as to what was going on in my life. Why I continued to endure conditions that I didn't want. The truest answer was that I brought them upon myself. I do not shed blame on anyone else. I brought those people within my life. I brought all of those actions upon my life. Now that I know how to focus, I have turned the ship around. Now that I am no longer concerned as to "how", I am now lifting myself out of despair.
This year has already proven to be beautiful and fulfilling for so many. I no longer "wonder" what is going to happen with fear and sadness. I am now embracing the gentle flow of the stream from which I came from. There is no damage to fear. There is no obstacle to worry about. There is no opposition to conquer. All of this is to be solved within my own mind.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Homophobia- what it actually is
So many people have a label, (and even an opinion), when it comes to the L.G.B.T. community. The label of "homophobia" is supposed to be the fear of same sex loving individuals. At least that is what the dictionary will actually tell you. I however, have a completely different story to tell about this word and what it relates to in my life.
Homophobia is a fear indeed. But the funny thing is, I have never encountered a single person that reacted with an actual "fear" based behavior. In each scenario, the "homophobic" is always taking the role of the oppressor. If you are actually afraid of something, then how can violate and immature behavior almost always be the end result? Why go to such great lengths to insult and degrade and even go so far to cause harm to someone else?
From verbal insults, beatings, and even murder, gay people have had to hide in times past to protect themselves from those who were supposed to be afraid of them. But the only fear I can personally see being demonstrated, is a fear of actually being gay. If you are truly secure in your own sexuality, then why oppress another person for their own? Or is it that you actually have a fear that you are hiding the fact that you are actually gay?
Being raised by an extremely conservative mother, I witnessed homophobia first hand from since childhood. From my own mother and sisters, I was ridiculed and abused both emotionally and physically for something I actually could not control. I was made to feel inferior for acting feminine. Even after I adopted a warrior aspect for my own persona, I was still made to feel inferior simply because of who I was attracted to.
I was labeled a mutant. I was exiled as an outcast like trash. The very people who brought me within this existence were the very ones that were my worst oppressors. Were they afraid of me? Not in the least. Did they show me signs of actual fear? Never once. Homophobia to me is a lie unto itself as just a pathetic excuse for ignorant people to act like assholes.
But from these humble beginnings, I learned that not all people are ignorant. The true homophobia in my own eyes was in how people would react to finding out that I myself was different. I recall being a gay teenager. I had to play a double lifestyle and even a double persona. The fear of people coming after me placed me in a position of fear. It placed me in a position of hating myself for being a mutant. It placed me in a position of shame that I never asked for. Why should I be afraid if I am not "homophobic"?
But despite all of this, I have learned what love truly is. Despite my twisted past, I have learned to focus on better things and eventually, better people. I am often asked about my past and my family. People ask me why I don't go back to see my family. But I ask you, after all of that hatred, how can I return to what tried to box me? I do not look upon my family with hatred for ignorance. I choose to look at my family as the ones who love me without judgment. The very ones who have helped me rise above conflict and even emotional and financial strife, do not share my DNA.
Homophobia is a fear indeed. But the funny thing is, I have never encountered a single person that reacted with an actual "fear" based behavior. In each scenario, the "homophobic" is always taking the role of the oppressor. If you are actually afraid of something, then how can violate and immature behavior almost always be the end result? Why go to such great lengths to insult and degrade and even go so far to cause harm to someone else?
From verbal insults, beatings, and even murder, gay people have had to hide in times past to protect themselves from those who were supposed to be afraid of them. But the only fear I can personally see being demonstrated, is a fear of actually being gay. If you are truly secure in your own sexuality, then why oppress another person for their own? Or is it that you actually have a fear that you are hiding the fact that you are actually gay?
Being raised by an extremely conservative mother, I witnessed homophobia first hand from since childhood. From my own mother and sisters, I was ridiculed and abused both emotionally and physically for something I actually could not control. I was made to feel inferior for acting feminine. Even after I adopted a warrior aspect for my own persona, I was still made to feel inferior simply because of who I was attracted to.
I was labeled a mutant. I was exiled as an outcast like trash. The very people who brought me within this existence were the very ones that were my worst oppressors. Were they afraid of me? Not in the least. Did they show me signs of actual fear? Never once. Homophobia to me is a lie unto itself as just a pathetic excuse for ignorant people to act like assholes.
But from these humble beginnings, I learned that not all people are ignorant. The true homophobia in my own eyes was in how people would react to finding out that I myself was different. I recall being a gay teenager. I had to play a double lifestyle and even a double persona. The fear of people coming after me placed me in a position of fear. It placed me in a position of hating myself for being a mutant. It placed me in a position of shame that I never asked for. Why should I be afraid if I am not "homophobic"?
But despite all of this, I have learned what love truly is. Despite my twisted past, I have learned to focus on better things and eventually, better people. I am often asked about my past and my family. People ask me why I don't go back to see my family. But I ask you, after all of that hatred, how can I return to what tried to box me? I do not look upon my family with hatred for ignorance. I choose to look at my family as the ones who love me without judgment. The very ones who have helped me rise above conflict and even emotional and financial strife, do not share my DNA.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
The secret of trust.
Trust,
It is something that is given freely in the care free days of youth until your heart is betrayed by someone you brought close to you. Their intentions being different from your own, they had their own desires they were tending to. And here you are thinking the wrong vision of another person altogether. You gave them your all because you thought that they had the same intentions. It is in that moment when you make the realization that people will always be who and what they really are, regardless of whatever you may think. You trusted them and they let you down. You trusted them, and they lied to you.
It begins with trying to understand why at first. In the chaos of emotions that follow, you feel a void within you that was once filled with happiness and oblivious naivete. Now it is a pain and a hollow feeling that is then leading you into this anger and sadness you have never felt before. This is what treachery feels like. It is the biting of the tongue when you want to scream in rage as the emotions reach a boiling point you consider what has just happened. Did he ever even care, or was he in it for his own intentions?
You try to make some sort of logical explanation or excuse about it all, but it doesn't stop the feeling of pain welling up inside. The silence of his response is chilling, cold, and lacking. He gives you nothing to explain his obvious greed and then you are besides yourself with thoughts of his demise. Why do you want him to fall? Because you want him to feel what he made you feel. You want him to hurt like you hurt. You want him to be the one hurt instead of you crying in your pillow at the bedside.
You want the pain to stop and you want to stop talking about him. You want to cut him from your heart and even still something within you holds on to a fragment of the first lie. You want to believe in that lie there was something profound. You want to believe within that fragment of love, that it wasn't an illusion. You truly want to understand how it all happened so fast. You back track the memories and the trail of emotions left behind to make some sort of sense to it all. Why would he do this? How can someone just not care at all?
It is here you realize that you can change. But why should you? You weren't the deceptive one. But you have decided to never to allow this to happen again. You realize that somehow you allowed this to happen. You realize that you have to pick yourself up off the floor because with or without you, life goes on. Do you live, or do you wither? In each heartbeat, a fragment of you remains unfulfilled, because you made the mistake of trusting the wrong person.
It is something that is given freely in the care free days of youth until your heart is betrayed by someone you brought close to you. Their intentions being different from your own, they had their own desires they were tending to. And here you are thinking the wrong vision of another person altogether. You gave them your all because you thought that they had the same intentions. It is in that moment when you make the realization that people will always be who and what they really are, regardless of whatever you may think. You trusted them and they let you down. You trusted them, and they lied to you.
It begins with trying to understand why at first. In the chaos of emotions that follow, you feel a void within you that was once filled with happiness and oblivious naivete. Now it is a pain and a hollow feeling that is then leading you into this anger and sadness you have never felt before. This is what treachery feels like. It is the biting of the tongue when you want to scream in rage as the emotions reach a boiling point you consider what has just happened. Did he ever even care, or was he in it for his own intentions?
You try to make some sort of logical explanation or excuse about it all, but it doesn't stop the feeling of pain welling up inside. The silence of his response is chilling, cold, and lacking. He gives you nothing to explain his obvious greed and then you are besides yourself with thoughts of his demise. Why do you want him to fall? Because you want him to feel what he made you feel. You want him to hurt like you hurt. You want him to be the one hurt instead of you crying in your pillow at the bedside.
You want the pain to stop and you want to stop talking about him. You want to cut him from your heart and even still something within you holds on to a fragment of the first lie. You want to believe in that lie there was something profound. You want to believe within that fragment of love, that it wasn't an illusion. You truly want to understand how it all happened so fast. You back track the memories and the trail of emotions left behind to make some sort of sense to it all. Why would he do this? How can someone just not care at all?
It is here you realize that you can change. But why should you? You weren't the deceptive one. But you have decided to never to allow this to happen again. You realize that somehow you allowed this to happen. You realize that you have to pick yourself up off the floor because with or without you, life goes on. Do you live, or do you wither? In each heartbeat, a fragment of you remains unfulfilled, because you made the mistake of trusting the wrong person.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Body Image and how it affects you
I have contemplated the effects of body image in America. Body shaming should be the more appropriate phrase to use for the sake of this blog and my own opinion. From when you can walk in America, you are taught to be ideal. You have to have rock hard abs, you have to have less than 10% body fat, and if you do not, then American Media will poison you with shame.
The fitness industry stands testament to the effects of the marketing of ideal body image. You see commercials that show exercise equipment and always have people pour their souls in testimonies. A before image is often used to show unhappy people in unhappy situations that felt that they wanted to change. This change is often achieved by using repetition of certain exercises and the strict "healthy diet". This is in a country in which processed foods rule the country with lobbyists bribing senators to keep their chemical laced foods legal.
It is funny that body image has taken such a sharp turn over the decades to the profit of various markets. During the 1970's, the ideal body image was to be of "slender" build and foods were no where nearly as toxic to consumption as they are today. To achieve this slender build, a person became dedicated to the four food groups and aerobic exercise. Growing up during the 80's and 90's, this "look" remained easy to achieve for the average citizen.
During the 90's however, the shift in marketing strategies changed and with it, body shaming was clearly more evident. As processed foods came on the rise, obesity in America also rose. The medical industry also rose in profits with treatment for diabetes type two, and high blood pressure. The food is more toxic, and yet Americans are "expected" to be healthy by controlling portions and choices.
Body shaming now affects men as well as women even more now than it ever has in the past century. If a man is not of at least an "athletic" or "muscular" build, he is often over looked as a viable choice for attractiveness. A man's sense of worth is now just as vulnerable from youth as a woman's when it comes to how you appear to people. The common factor here is that if a man doesn't lift weights, he isn't deemed as "strong" or even masculine.
I would not dare say that it is right for only women to have these problems. I would say however, that as a society, we should not be so quick to judge people based upon this social conditioning that has poisoned our way of viewing others since times past. Why can't we just teach people that they need to look behind the cover? If appearance is all you are looking for, then all you need to do is search for thirst traps on Instagram and Facebook. People who find their only means of validation, showing off their bodies to appease a void that they themselves cannot fill.
Love is the obvious answer. But too many people are focusing on too many external elements to fill the void of what is missing within themselves. You have to learn how to love who you are without any need of outside validation before you can realize what love actually is. If you cannot love a person's flaws, how are you going to love the rest? How can you expect to be loved by anyone if you can't accept flaws as part of the person as a whole? Unconditional love has no barriers to actually stop it. If you can't love unconditionally, then you already love only under ideal conditions.
-Q-
The fitness industry stands testament to the effects of the marketing of ideal body image. You see commercials that show exercise equipment and always have people pour their souls in testimonies. A before image is often used to show unhappy people in unhappy situations that felt that they wanted to change. This change is often achieved by using repetition of certain exercises and the strict "healthy diet". This is in a country in which processed foods rule the country with lobbyists bribing senators to keep their chemical laced foods legal.
It is funny that body image has taken such a sharp turn over the decades to the profit of various markets. During the 1970's, the ideal body image was to be of "slender" build and foods were no where nearly as toxic to consumption as they are today. To achieve this slender build, a person became dedicated to the four food groups and aerobic exercise. Growing up during the 80's and 90's, this "look" remained easy to achieve for the average citizen.
During the 90's however, the shift in marketing strategies changed and with it, body shaming was clearly more evident. As processed foods came on the rise, obesity in America also rose. The medical industry also rose in profits with treatment for diabetes type two, and high blood pressure. The food is more toxic, and yet Americans are "expected" to be healthy by controlling portions and choices.
Body shaming now affects men as well as women even more now than it ever has in the past century. If a man is not of at least an "athletic" or "muscular" build, he is often over looked as a viable choice for attractiveness. A man's sense of worth is now just as vulnerable from youth as a woman's when it comes to how you appear to people. The common factor here is that if a man doesn't lift weights, he isn't deemed as "strong" or even masculine.
I would not dare say that it is right for only women to have these problems. I would say however, that as a society, we should not be so quick to judge people based upon this social conditioning that has poisoned our way of viewing others since times past. Why can't we just teach people that they need to look behind the cover? If appearance is all you are looking for, then all you need to do is search for thirst traps on Instagram and Facebook. People who find their only means of validation, showing off their bodies to appease a void that they themselves cannot fill.
Love is the obvious answer. But too many people are focusing on too many external elements to fill the void of what is missing within themselves. You have to learn how to love who you are without any need of outside validation before you can realize what love actually is. If you cannot love a person's flaws, how are you going to love the rest? How can you expect to be loved by anyone if you can't accept flaws as part of the person as a whole? Unconditional love has no barriers to actually stop it. If you can't love unconditionally, then you already love only under ideal conditions.
-Q-
Monday, March 23, 2015
Wavelength
I have a lot to say. But before I do, I want to take out the time to say thank you. I want to thank all of my potential readers that will come out here and see what is going on in my little life. I want to say thank you to everyone that has supported me in my efforts and everything that I do. I want to say thank you for the life I have been allowed to live right now. I have so much time now, and it feels so good to have.
I am walking in the light of this world without worry or fear. I can now say that I do not have to be afraid anymore. I am surrounded by people that love me. I have begun the process of understanding manifestation and the Law of Attraction. When I look at this, I have a much more clear understanding of how my life went the way it did and what exactly that I desire in this world now.
I have left that self imposed prison that was retail work. I spent 9 years in a hardware retail store being something far greater than anything that the company could offer me. I reached a point where I came to the realization that it isn't about the money. It was truly about becoming and living how I wanted to live. It was about being who I really wanted to be. It was about respecting the real career of being myself.
We spend so much time being "conditioned" in a world that teaches you to hate who you are. You spend so much of your adolescence "emulating" someone else because who you are isn't truly respected by you. You are told to lose weight, to wear certain clothes, or to purchase certain possessions to establish a very false sense of wealth. Day in and day out, you flip on a television and see a perspective given to you by classical "media".
There is so much shame in what the media teaches you. There is so much fear and disrespect given by that one perspective. It is no wonder that my life changed, when I decided to become an individual and not a sheep to the massive grips of the machine.There is so much toxic conditioning in American society, that you literally spend half of your life just trying to figure things out.
Now that I have passed that point in my life, I can now focus on what I consider to be the true wealth. Happiness to me is far more important than the largest diamonds. Happiness is what we all secretly and openly desire. It is the focal point for all of our large and small decisions in this lifetime. So if you are not being happy, you are bringing forth more of what isn't happy in your life. So the same questions pop up again and again in multiple phases of life: What am I doing? What do I really want?
When you are confident in answering those questions, you will discover the most important aspect that you alone can control, yourself.
I am walking in the light of this world without worry or fear. I can now say that I do not have to be afraid anymore. I am surrounded by people that love me. I have begun the process of understanding manifestation and the Law of Attraction. When I look at this, I have a much more clear understanding of how my life went the way it did and what exactly that I desire in this world now.
I have left that self imposed prison that was retail work. I spent 9 years in a hardware retail store being something far greater than anything that the company could offer me. I reached a point where I came to the realization that it isn't about the money. It was truly about becoming and living how I wanted to live. It was about being who I really wanted to be. It was about respecting the real career of being myself.
We spend so much time being "conditioned" in a world that teaches you to hate who you are. You spend so much of your adolescence "emulating" someone else because who you are isn't truly respected by you. You are told to lose weight, to wear certain clothes, or to purchase certain possessions to establish a very false sense of wealth. Day in and day out, you flip on a television and see a perspective given to you by classical "media".
There is so much shame in what the media teaches you. There is so much fear and disrespect given by that one perspective. It is no wonder that my life changed, when I decided to become an individual and not a sheep to the massive grips of the machine.There is so much toxic conditioning in American society, that you literally spend half of your life just trying to figure things out.
Now that I have passed that point in my life, I can now focus on what I consider to be the true wealth. Happiness to me is far more important than the largest diamonds. Happiness is what we all secretly and openly desire. It is the focal point for all of our large and small decisions in this lifetime. So if you are not being happy, you are bringing forth more of what isn't happy in your life. So the same questions pop up again and again in multiple phases of life: What am I doing? What do I really want?
When you are confident in answering those questions, you will discover the most important aspect that you alone can control, yourself.
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I have had a very interesting year thus far. I have finally moved away from the stressful work environment that was debilitating to my life....
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I'm very happy to have my very own blog! This will be a place to have my artwork and my journey recorded and such. Life is indeed a wond...
