Gaining ground

I find myself as of late being left completely alone for extended amounts of time. I truly don't know how to take this at this point in my life. At some ends, it feels great to have so much free time, but then at other ends, it feels like I have just been abandoned. No one is bothering with trying to really communicate with me about what is going on in my life. It's like life itself is working against me being able to do anything but work and go to the gym. It gets depressing because there is so much going on out there that I want to do, but my stupid schedule keeps getting in the way.

Either way, I am grateful for this newfound solace and I'm glad that I have an income. I just don't want to work this schedule any longer. The balance of harmony is what I am truly aiming for in my life. I want to have the freedom to have my creative pursuits enjoyed and explored but I need the income to pay for my needs and desires. Where is the line?

The question I am having now I guess, is what makes me so horrible that people abandon me so often? If I am the common denominator of what is happening, then I must examine what I am thinking and doing altogether. A wedding happened out of state that was planned for months in advance, but I was left completely out of the loop for all of it. At first, I was simply happy for them and everyone who attended. But now, I have some "after effect" emotions about it.

Like, because I was working forced overtime at my "job", I am left out and never called for any part of the event at all. Mind you, this isn't the only wedding I was exclusively not invited to. The first wedding involved a former bestie whom I lived with for some years. His "wife" exclusively didn't invite me because of my "lifestyle". Yeah, you know, the one I was born with that can't be helped as in sexual orientation.

Here's my solution, I'm wiping the slate completely clean and starting over. Of all people I owe anything, I completely forgot to love and appreciate who I actually am. And it is way overdue, for a makeover in my own life. So let me raise this wine glass and congratulate myself on new beginnings and better feelings.

Spells of the past

We often go through an algorithm in our minds of decision making based upon the events we have experienced in our past. A person born into wealth typically follows an algorithm of thought that allows them to continue what their parents already have. A person born into poverty would also typically follow an algorithm that would lead them to a life of struggle.

All people however, do end up forming thought patterns which lead to different patterns of vibration, which leads to different levels of manifestation. I have met people who do not have much in their lives (according to them saying it.), who excel at the most creative things. I have also encountered people of wealth and privilege who have absolutely no true form of creativity at all.

What I have deduced from all of it over all, is that the past has little bearing upon the current thought of the person if that person changes their own pattern on their own. It begins with a desire that then turns the wheels in the mind. The single most destructive thing we often end up doing that messes us up is asking the question "how".

When you look back upon your own existence, you realize that "how" never truly needed explaining in the first place. If the desire was strong enough, and the belief was just as strong in it's occurrence, then the manifestation must appear.

This explains why people of poverty can become billionaires overnight or how billionaires can then lose everything in a night. All of it, related to a pattern of thought, vibration, and belief.