When you hit the wall.

So in light of recent events, I have to take a hard close look at myself. I have been unemployed for the most part of a year. I have tried desperately to get work, any work in all of that time, despite setbacks and constantly getting played by damn well every employer I have tried to get employed to. Here's my question: Why is it so damn hard to simply get a job for me?

I have all my i's dotted and all of my t's crossed. My resume is practically flawless. I put in a two week notice from the last major big box retailer I was working at with wonderful blessings and graces after working there for 9 years. Now I'm questioning my life and everything in it.

My roommates are wonderful and many of my friends have helped me dearly. But now I once again face that in your face heavy to the surface fear. What are you going to do Q? I see others get jobs within weeks of being here and for some unknown reason, I'm stuck. I need a miracle at this point. Though I will be grateful that I'm not homeless. I will be grateful that I have some food to eat. I will be grateful that I have a lot of time to "think" and create my artworks.

My stress comes from months of struggle and months of WTF moments once I get the interview. I would get an auto response in many cases telling me that "you're overqualified" or even when I would get the interview, something weird would happen to "prevent" me from getting the job. A generator fire at the office building? Really? A server wipe of all applications right after the manager puts in my recommendation to H.R.?

It's things like this that make me question my life and what direction I am heading in. Am I simply not going to get regular work anymore? Did my time at the retail store ruin me for further employment? What am I doing wrong in this world? Was I truly born the wrong skin color? What in the actual fuck is going on?

Is this where the story ends? What the hell?

Desperate, Broke, and Unemployed.

The difference your friends can make.

In all these months of studying vibrational frequency, I've come to a conclusion about people. You can enable or disable the type of people that are in your life. I've come to realize that you cannot keep poor minded people in your circle when you yourself are aspiring to do better. I love everyone who has come and gone from my life in general, but so many had to be put on the chopping block for the sake of my growing need for sanity.

The old saying goes: "You are a reflection of the company you keep." I can definitely see where this is a true statement. The friends I had in high school are so much the same that they were before, but it was I that had changed. I had evolved past their state of thinking. I no longer wanted to take part of their ignorance. So I left for the military and got a whole new perspective on everything.

Upon coming back to Atlanta, I was well adjusted to a new way of thinking and saw that my old friends had still remained exactly as I had left them. I had to leave them behind yet again. Their thinking and my thinking were no longer a match. Different goals equate different ways of thinking, which equals different vibrations. The thought of catching up with any of them disillusions me. It is still even after all of this time, more of the same. I myself had changed drastically.

I am no longer the helpless victim of circumstances. I am now the hero of my own story. I am now the inspiring person who loves his own transformations. I am now the one who will not tolerate or deal with negative people. Yes, I have changed, and thankfully for my own benefit. It looks like this sort of thing happens every decade for me. That some people simply don't make the cut to be bothered with.

This isn't to disrespect anyone. It is a fact of life that must be addressed at a certain point. You have the people you grow up with and then you have the people you can expand with. So if your circle of friends genuinely make you happy, you have found your tribe. If they do not, it is time for a change.

Be that change.

Into the new void

It is a new year upon us. The lunar new year now as we speak. I have reached a weird place in my life. For whatever cosmic reason, I'm still where I am. I want to leave here and never look back. As a matter of fact, I want to go quite far away and start my life completely over. To a place where no one knows me at all. Wipe it all clean and feel good about all the stuff that never mattered. The people that never mattered will be distant memories of my subconscious.

All to start over again and fresh into a life filled with peace and prosperity and joy. That is the whole point of life if you really are paying attention. You fight so hard for so many little things to experience joy. All of the decisions you have made in your life have led you to this place, but every decision made was for the purpose of experiencing the freedom of joy. So what would happen if I just ignored everything and only decided to be happy regardless of the situation?

This is my next major experiment. I'm going to not make any major expectations. I'm going to explore life by experiencing joy regardless of surroundings or circumstances. I want to see just how far this whole "manifestation" thing can go. I want to see what happens when you are happy regardless of anything and see what is produced for my life then. Ok, so in March, I will tell you what happened.