The tides of change.

It has been a while. I guess because last time, I was going through a huge turmoil within my emotional life. I was going through so many things that were distracting to the one element of what is actually important to me, myself. I allowed the concepts of what society thinks is structured and normal to place me in a box. Being a creature of expansion and exploration, I have never allowed such things to truly define who and what I am.

I think I have just reached a point in my life, that I know that I am meant for great things. I am meant to do something with a lot of meaning in it. I'm still just trying to figure out that great thing. I am still trying to understand what it is that I am meant to do. Most people will tell you to "figure it out." They go off of what their parents have told them. The traditional concepts of get a job, go to college, graduate college, get another job, get married, have kids, and die.

I just do not see myself in that traditional mold at all. I truly never have fit into any mold society has tried to place me in. I have spent far too much time exploring who I am as a person and experiencing new things that I just didn't bother worrying about what other people have. Funny thing is, I spent so much of my own life fighting against a system that never fully accepted me in the first place. I had no choice but to define my own identity within a world that never respected me from since birth.

I had to give myself respect before the rest of the world followed suit. I had to give myself love and appreciation before the rest of the world followed suit with that as well. I had to understand that I am my own value of things and vibration before the world valued what it was that I was doing.

You know what, I'm going to keep exploring and keep having fun, because being happy is exactly where it is at.

The Wavelength

The inner self - my musings in meditation

So at the behest of a good friend, I realized that I hadn't meditated in a long long time. Usually I would put myself in a state that would be meditative but not the full immersion. Anyways, long story short, I was meditating and it was revealed to me that I am some sort of teacher. I saw myself going into some sort of school that was special in some sort of way with different students of different ages.

In this school, I was wearing the suit and tie and I was teaching them things they needed to grow with. I was at peace and in my own element of complete bliss. I was calm and I was instructing them in something. I was filled with a great feeling that I hadn't experienced in such a long time. It was fulfilling and yet informative. I was giving them the gift to see things they have never before seen and yet allowing them to do it with their own eyes.

To see the world with your spiritual eyes is a primary lesson in spiritual practice. I am quite inspired now to allow this manifestation to occur. The beauty of the Law of Attraction, is the complete journey that comes along with it. Things seem to fall into place without much consideration for work or even for that doomed question of "how". I feel at ease now that I am starting to fully grasp exactly what it is that makes the Law of Attraction possible.

Before I realized that we are all guided by desire and that with intention, we try to bring forth that desire within our livelihood. Usually it takes the form of "hard work" or some sort of effort. The actual reality of it is, we learn through that work, to simply believe it is already occurred or already happening. Then when we reach a state of total allowing, it is then that the manifestation occurs. So when you can see yourself with the object or thing that you desire already, you are creating it within your own reality.

The next part is where it gets tricky. This is the part where you have to only love the feeling of already having it. When you can let the "feeling" be enough, you will allow the possibility of that reality to occur. The focus is what then occurs.

Desperate Tag.

I'm not going to lie, I'm going through quite a bit right now. I could use a friend in this moment. I'm anxious about how this life will turn out for me. Right now though, I have reached an all time low. I don't know what to do at this point. My life feels like it is in shambles. I have no job, my commissions have dried up, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm squatting at a friend's place.

June was a month of love and utter bliss. I felt empowered and even on top of my game. I reached into the vortex and things were turning around. I know now, that I have made some mistakes. I know now, that I have to dig deep and figure some things out. I just feel so lost and alone in this mess. At least I do know, that this isn't anything of what I want. So I guess the safest thing to do is to channel my emotions and my focus on what I actually want and just ignore the current reality.

This is a direct reflection to how my life started out 10 years ago. I was in another very similar situation. I felt very trapped and alone despite being surrounded by others. I was unemployed, and just dropped out of college. Everything felt awful and I sunk into a very deep depression. It took me quite some time to climb out of that depression.

Things are very different this time around though. I understand the Law of Attraction. I understand my emotions, my thoughts, and my focus can change the total outcome of my own life. I am not afraid of tomorrow anymore like I used to be. I am learning to master my thoughts beyond a situation, a person, or even a place. I know there is a turning point to this. I know that I will be just fine soon. How may not be important, but I know that what I want shall happen soon enough in one shape or another.

God help me.

-Q-