From the bottom up.

I have had a very interesting year thus far. I have finally moved away from the stressful work environment that was debilitating to my life. I have made a realization that I need to focus on myself rather than the very tumultuous world I have been living in. I have found that distraction is very powerful if you give it more attention than yourself. I allowed myself to reach a mental rock bottom in which no one truly was in support of what I was doing. I am thankful, for all of this. Why? Because I can start completely over. But this time, no allies, no fools, and no distractions.

This is a very good thing to look forward to. Life itself is never fully perfect. You are raised, you grow up, and you have conflict, drama, discovery, and absolution. I realize now, that I was the strongest in my circle of comrades, allowing myself to be "downplayed" to make others feel better for their own pathetic egos and existence. How foolish of me to have so much empathy. I let myself take a back seat to people who once again, didn't care for anything but themselves. This was a repeated behavioral mistake that I have carried from younger days.

It hurts when you think about it from a stand point of emotions. Knowing that people that you let get close to you, weren't really the best thing for you. Knowing that you give and give and give and yet nothing really is happening to benefit you on your end. You put yourself out there because your own childhood was so turbulent and so mentally disturbing, that you forgot how to love who you actually are. It begins with childhood programming. People who were abused as children end up being empathic or narcissistic or worse, total psychopaths.

In my own case, I was an empath trying to tolerate what was nearest to me. The truth was, I enjoyed people of differing sorts. I enjoyed people able to help them. I may still enjoy helping people. But after so much, I have learned you can only assist those who help themselves. And after you have assisted them, cut them off. In a biblical narrative, this is why prophets would, for the most part, separate themselves from the followers. It is why in the recent version of the bible, Jesus would take a lot of personal time away from other people. When you are empathic, you need to detox your spirit from the world and most especially from society.

To me, social media in almost all of its forms is entertainment. If monitored and used correctly, it is beneficial to promote business and independent goals alike. If you spend too much time on it, you end up being depraved of actual human response. I feel I let myself go into depression not even realizing that I was there. Immersing myself into social media as a way to cope with what I was going through. It did help for the most part, but a part of me was spending too much time on it. I allowed myself to get "too distracted" with news feeds, groups, personal messages, and otherwise foolish endeavors.

I was the one that caused my own misery in my adult life, by focusing far too much on the need of acceptance of other people. I wanted so hard to be liked, respected, and adored. I used social media as a way to feel more human, and in turn got caught up in the web of lies and addiction that is social media. Or should I say one particular social media, Facebook. It is my belief, that Facebook is a very negative platform of social media. I truly believe that there is some form of "dark conscious" on this particular website. So many distractions on it, lead you into places of conflict. No matter your friend list, there is somehow always something going on that is negative in your new's feed.

Facebook didn't always used to be this way. But as the years went by, more and more content suddenly became "corrupted". You can't just laugh at a fun clap back like on Twitter. You can't just take a picture and hashtag it like Instagram. Oh no, Facebook wants to know your location. Facebook wants you to tag your friends in it. Facebook wants your phone number. Facebook wants it's messenger service to be exclusive on your phone. With new features, you get more and more drawn in, until you don't realize this "dark consciousness" has a hold of you. You can send money, you can take files and upload them. But Facebook wants you to use your real government name.

All of this, to monitor you and sell your information to companies that will pay them for it. All the more to study your content to know what you buy. What you adore and what you will be willing to do to be convinced to buy products. Yeah, I see it so much more clearly now, since I have taken a hiatus from this website. If you want nothing but positive experiences on social media, stay away from Facebook. It will cause you to think of things that aren't even there.

As for me, I'm going to continue my exploration elsewhere and focus on my own dreams. I'm going to step away from the dark consciousness and do my own thing. I'm going to surround myself with others that are even more skilled than myself on purpose. My boost is here, my motivation to do greater things begins and ends with myself.