The cynical circus

We live in a world where anything is possible and yet the majority of the world stays within a constant system of cynicism. It isn't enough to do anything that makes you feel good to some people. It isn't enough to simply do what makes your heart happy to them either. Everything is put under a microscope and everything is criticized heavily. I don't get this logic of perfectionism. What is so hard about allowing yourself to finally be happy? Does life have to provide you with certain conditions to achieve the emotion of happiness? Well, not in my book.

I see the media pushing out images of perfection as to that being what some sort of invisible standard to achieve for the world. This is wrong. This is so very wrong. It sends a message of self hatred to children that disturbs me deeply. I don't want to look at some invisible standard that has a bar far too high for me to ever reach. That was exactly what my mother was like during my childhood and it took me years of self therapy to overcome the damage. She never was satisfied with a test score unless it was perfect.  Never satisfied with what I was doing in any sport unless I was on top. That isn't good parenting, that is a concentration camp.

Being cynical about everything is poisonous. It deludes us to our truest nature of joy. I must admit to myself that it is a battle against constant exposure to media that being cynical is a constant threat. Now that social media is an ever present thing, it gets worse by the day. Twitter and Facebook, and even Instagram seem to get a huge lashing of cynicism from people on the quest for "likes". I don't really understand what is so important for other people to like you? Probably stemming from a lack of self love that creates a vacuum or void where the self love is supposed to be.

Personally, the world can always use more love. We have enough success to last us into the next century. What about the lovers, the poets, the artists? What about the healers, the song writers, or the dancers? Let us focus more on joy and abundance together. It is only when you can appreciate yourself that you will find joy. It is only when you can appreciate others that you will find new doors open to you. Being cynical only leads to more cynicism. Negative never creates positive and vice versa.

For one day, try not complaining about anything and enjoy the fact that you are alive. Try that and watch life itself change. It really isn't that hard.

Vibrational reality

I think I am beginning to understand now how this "vibrational reality" is supposed to work. So in essence, the world that you notice is a direct reflection of your own personal belief system. If you believe in self hatred, then your world will be filled with reasons not to like yourself. If you believe in self glory, then your world will be filled with reasons as to what makes you great. Whether or not we want to acknowledge it, our parents play a large role in our vibrational reality. Or at the very least, the beginning of our reality.

The very core concept of whatever they teach us, starts off what we believe in. As a result, the world will reflect what we think from an early age. But we are always checking in with what they think in order to see what is approved. That in itself is teaching us that love and joy are conditional. It is in this need for their acceptance, that we are taught to lose what we feel for what they do. How the parent thinks and reacts is what we then go off of for a long long time.

A child's past is what ends up determining that person's future. It is either an inspiration for what better things the child can go get, or a hole that the child will always need to fill. The need to succeed is often a mask for a void of love never given without condition. The need to be accepted by others is often the same overlooked conditional love the parent didn't give. If our parents tortured us, we end up torturing ourselves, unless we recognize this flaw and overcome it, we will be haunted.

It all makes sense to me now. Even down to what my sisters have gone through, it is all relative to overcoming the past. Pain is the teacher that either binds you, or makes you better to overcome anything else.

Wavelength

Life so far.

I have went a long time surviving in my own existence. I am thankful that I have made it this far. Life truly isn't fair, but that is not for me to decide how fair it should be. Rather, I am now asking where this is taking me. From St. Croix, to Florida, to Atlanta, to South Korea, to New York, I have seen quite a bit of the world. I was terrified so many times in my life of losing everything or being lost.

I'm no longer afraid anymore. Things are changing world wide, and I'd be a fool not to realize this would also affect me. The circumstances are what they are. I have ran my course for almost a year now without full time work. But I am grateful that I have been allowed to be a full time artist. I am grateful that I have been able to touch so many lives with my experience. I am quite grateful that so many people have helped support me this far and long.

I have achieved so much in this life time all I can do is look at it all and smile. I may not have a million dollars in my pocket, but I have helped bring a lot of happiness. I have been allowed to live a good life regardless of its harsh beginnings. I am floating downstream and enjoying all new miracles coming my way. There is nothing to be afraid of anymore. I know for a fact that it really is going to be alright.

Thank you so much for everything world. I know that life will guide me soon.