Women like you, start off as girls who only wanted to be loved and cherished.
And then, somewhere in adolescence, you became irrelevant to people you loved.
You were ignored and at times, silently pitied by people that knew you as you did so many foolish things to get attention.
Women like you then garnered purpose to get the best grades in high school because you had "something to prove." You made it a point to be president of all the clubs, to be in student council, to be "seen" to be "noticed" in any way you could. You would go out of your way to cut down any male that you deemed an obstacle in your plans. Meanwhile, you set the course for you to lose your soul on your life journey.
Women like you make mistakes all along the way, and NEVER own up to it when confronted.
No, of course not, you couldn't possibly be the center of blame for your own actions. You couldn't possibly be the actual CAUSE of the people you have hurt or damaged in your almost unending path of countless mistakes and hurting other people in your "path".
Women like you, your ambition takes full control and you don't see clearly what lies ahead of you or what's around you. You only see what you want and you don't care about who you hurt along the way to get it. Women like you then have a few crazy and wacky dreams with totally Salvadore Dali themed paintings because of just how distorted your souls have become. You go out of your way to punish men for not making you happy.
Women like you find a man that is charming, witty, athletic, or intellectual. You find a man that has the "it" factor that you could never have. You ponder and stare in amazement as he glides through life with what appears as ease. People love him, people adore him as he does what he does and he is actually accepted and makes people respect him. It is right then and there, women, like you, set upon a course to be involved with that man.
Sometimes it's a relative, sometimes it is a stranger, whoever he is, he is relevant to you because he has what you want. You want to be seen. You want what he has. And it mystifies you that he has this charisma about him. You know deep down inside that there is something magical about him. And you want that magic...... by any means necessary. You meet him and giggle at his charisma. You talk to him and vaguely agree to his view points on life.
Women like you, you lure him in and make great small talk as you then let him lead the conversation about his pursuits. You agree with him to let him feel safe with you. You do whatever it takes to be in his life, because to you, for some reason, he is the sun. He is the very sustenance you need. The very air that you breathe becomes infused with the very smell of him, and it drives you wild.
And then, it happens. You both have sex and it feels like you've entered into another realm. In this realm, you both are one and feel each other on levels that are totally beyond logic. Everything seems like it is going swimmingly well, until your pattern happens. Somewhere in that dream realm, you were confronted with your own reflection. You are confronted with the shame. You are confronted by all of your feelings of inadequacy and it crushes you like a bug.
He is feeling quite well, but you are not. He is on cloud 9 thinking that he has found someone to confide in and yet, women like you, play along to get everything on him. You listen to him tell you his weaknesses. You confide him with your false sense of security. All while you do what you set out to do, see what actually makes him tick. Women like you, then find what you want from him, in this moment and start your pattern. You find a way, to get him to be your prisoner. Some part of his radiance, MUST be a part of your life for the remainder of what sadness is yours.
You let yourself get pregnant. You conceive in that moment that forevermore you have a child that is a part of him and he is forever in your life. He is your captive, he is your prisoner, and he must take care of you. By all means, he doesn't want to face jail time. The courts do prod for some questions, but all in all, you know how easy it is to lie to them. Because, lying isn't hard for women like you. You've done it your whole life and lying to a court is just another version of it. Who cares if you have manipulated him and crushed his hopes, he must now make you radiate as he once did for only himself.
He then sees the signs, he feels the inadequacy between you two. He has seen your actual soul and when he does, it horrifies him. Here it was, he thought he could trust you, only to find out all of your girlfriends know his secrets that he trusted you with. He feels the truth behind you, that you are a walking corpse in his life. He understands slowly but surely what kind of creature you are. He sees the ambition, he sees the callousness, he sees you as that calculating monster you truly are and he is shaken to the core.
Women like you, are finally seen by him for what you are and then he leaves you. Why would he stay with you, you're a monster to him. You used him for your own desires on a much deeper level. You never intended to love him. You only intended to get what you want. But then it hits you in the gut. His presence is gone. The summer quickly is turning into winter. He is no longer in your life and you are forced to finally look again at that wraith in the mirror.
And off you go, women like you, to make him pay. You call him, you go out of your way to talk about him to all of your friends. Oh, let's be real, WHAT friends? Those other charlatans that you call friends but don't ever trust? I mean, why would you? Women like you, can't actually HAVE friends. So you do whatever can with what little power you actually do have to create a crusade against him. For some reason though, as you gather support against him, you gain some sympathy, but you still feel empty. You can't explain why, you just do. The sun is gone, and the summer of your bliss is gone with it. But women like you, can never have a summer that lasts.
And why is that? Why can't women like you actually keep love? Is it because you refuse to look at the monster in the mirror? Is it because you destroy everything you touch? Or is it because you are already dead walking this earth with no other purpose than to drain life on it before you turn to dust?
In either case, women like you are toxic to your children. You raise them with so much hatred in that hollow shell you call a soul. And when they finally awaken as they mature, they see you for what you are as well. They too, like your sun, inevitably leave you.
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Monday, June 26, 2017
The need for change
I don't know about other people, but I feel like if my life is not evolving in some form every year, that I'm doing something wrong. I may not know exactly what is the right career for me, or what is the right direction for me to go in obtaining it. I do know however, I do not want to work in food or retail ever again. Food industry jobs are underpaying, overworking exhaust mule jobs that are thankless and meaningless. Retail jobs, are mosh pits of data driven drones over inflating "customer experiences" with pointless "add on sales" and stupid surveys.
Q, you are an artist dammit. That is what I had to tell myself. I love to draw, to write, to express, to feel. I love being able to create something with my own hands. I love being able to have deep meaningful conversations about creativity as a process. Alas, it seems I live in a world filled with a lot of "watchers and followers" and not enough leaders and doers. A lot of the fitness industry is so filled with jocks that only do what the next jock is doing. Instagram account, put in stolen philosophical quotes, show some skin, and say cheese! Pointless, all of it.
We live in a time where the world is desperate to gain a leader. An icon of a sort to show us the new direction to go in. Someone who can change the very fabric of reality and perception and move the world into a new age. I know for a fact that there are quite a few people looking at this very page, and not one of them has spoken to me directly about this content. And that is what I am talking about. People claim to want a connection, they have access to technology to give them a connection, and yet here is a person giving you a FREE INVITE to talk to him and no one will say a single word.
This is what is wrong with the current perception. This is what is wrong with an era of desperate housewives, basketball wives, kardashians, and love and hip hop stars. Everyone is looking to be the next big hit, and yet no one is willing to actually express their soul in so doing. I will start a new movement then. I will create on a new level to push my boundaries and make the world gag. I feel that it is time and that what I am seeing now needs to be changed. It is my own life that is an inspiration to so many others and yet, so few truly deep connections I've made in this world thus far.
I will change all of this within a matter of weeks.
Q
Q, you are an artist dammit. That is what I had to tell myself. I love to draw, to write, to express, to feel. I love being able to create something with my own hands. I love being able to have deep meaningful conversations about creativity as a process. Alas, it seems I live in a world filled with a lot of "watchers and followers" and not enough leaders and doers. A lot of the fitness industry is so filled with jocks that only do what the next jock is doing. Instagram account, put in stolen philosophical quotes, show some skin, and say cheese! Pointless, all of it.
We live in a time where the world is desperate to gain a leader. An icon of a sort to show us the new direction to go in. Someone who can change the very fabric of reality and perception and move the world into a new age. I know for a fact that there are quite a few people looking at this very page, and not one of them has spoken to me directly about this content. And that is what I am talking about. People claim to want a connection, they have access to technology to give them a connection, and yet here is a person giving you a FREE INVITE to talk to him and no one will say a single word.
This is what is wrong with the current perception. This is what is wrong with an era of desperate housewives, basketball wives, kardashians, and love and hip hop stars. Everyone is looking to be the next big hit, and yet no one is willing to actually express their soul in so doing. I will start a new movement then. I will create on a new level to push my boundaries and make the world gag. I feel that it is time and that what I am seeing now needs to be changed. It is my own life that is an inspiration to so many others and yet, so few truly deep connections I've made in this world thus far.
I will change all of this within a matter of weeks.
Q
Sunday, June 25, 2017
People are insensitive
I am a spiritual counselor and guide. I am a powerful supernatural in my own right. I assist people with their problems and their issues. Why do I seem to keep attracting to myself people who lack empathy? It's always the go-geters, the people who are ambitious and driven. These people tend to be the most broken. They are constantly trying to prove something that isn't even there. Constantly craving attention that, for some reason, they can't give to themselves.
I find the whole thing amusing and yet a bit disturbing to be honest with you. It's like people who lack empathy are their own species of people. Well, with pop culture raving about reptilians, I wouldn't be surprised at this point. People of this stock will swear up and down that they think about others, but their actions tend to say otherwise. At first, I used to give them the benefit of the doubt, but now, I have learned to simply walk the other way when these actions are displayed.
You learn that time well spent is something that you treasure the most. Why would you want to spend time with a person that doesn't know how to reciprocate? Nature is a balance, emotions are a balance, and my relations with people are a balance. If you can't reciprocate, then I have no time for you. You can't just take from the world and think there won't be consequences. That will always come back to back fire on you in some way, shape, or form.
Q
I find the whole thing amusing and yet a bit disturbing to be honest with you. It's like people who lack empathy are their own species of people. Well, with pop culture raving about reptilians, I wouldn't be surprised at this point. People of this stock will swear up and down that they think about others, but their actions tend to say otherwise. At first, I used to give them the benefit of the doubt, but now, I have learned to simply walk the other way when these actions are displayed.
You learn that time well spent is something that you treasure the most. Why would you want to spend time with a person that doesn't know how to reciprocate? Nature is a balance, emotions are a balance, and my relations with people are a balance. If you can't reciprocate, then I have no time for you. You can't just take from the world and think there won't be consequences. That will always come back to back fire on you in some way, shape, or form.
Q
Saturday, June 17, 2017
6/17/17
Today I was musing through subjects as I often do, and came across one that hit home on so many levels. Here's a catchy question: Why are there so many manipulative females? Oh now I'm not saying that there aren't manipulative men, I've seen quite a few of those. But what I am noticing within this lifespan, is that the ratio of manipulative females is far higher. Like, it's not enough to already have to live in a world filled with subjective mental programming, but now here some of these people come along who refuse to face themselves and their "tactics".
From my own mother doing a much weaker version of it, to my sisters doing their own version of it, to coworkers across the spectrum, I have noticed there are a lot of unhappy females who use manipulation. What I don't get, is that a lot of them will do almost whatever it takes to wear down their "target" to the point of exhaustion. At the end of their lives, you have a single female who ends up very much alone. No real friends, and family will have anything to do with her because of her own deeds.
When my mother asked me "Why don't you ever want to come over?" I had responded, "Because you and I both know you have made dealing with you almost unbearable, because you are judgmental to a fault." She was taken aback and realized that everything her daughters were telling her for years was the absolute truth when her son finally said it.
To an extent, I can understand the origin of the fear that pushes some people to do this. But what I don't get is choosing to attempt to manipulate a person against your own conscious, to achieve what you want. Because in the end, every single manipulator ends up very much alone in the karma of their own foolish choices. Death has absolutely no mercy, so how you chose to live will be reflected in how you die.
Q
From my own mother doing a much weaker version of it, to my sisters doing their own version of it, to coworkers across the spectrum, I have noticed there are a lot of unhappy females who use manipulation. What I don't get, is that a lot of them will do almost whatever it takes to wear down their "target" to the point of exhaustion. At the end of their lives, you have a single female who ends up very much alone. No real friends, and family will have anything to do with her because of her own deeds.
When my mother asked me "Why don't you ever want to come over?" I had responded, "Because you and I both know you have made dealing with you almost unbearable, because you are judgmental to a fault." She was taken aback and realized that everything her daughters were telling her for years was the absolute truth when her son finally said it.
To an extent, I can understand the origin of the fear that pushes some people to do this. But what I don't get is choosing to attempt to manipulate a person against your own conscious, to achieve what you want. Because in the end, every single manipulator ends up very much alone in the karma of their own foolish choices. Death has absolutely no mercy, so how you chose to live will be reflected in how you die.
Q
Friday, June 16, 2017
The price of change.
We live in a world that is completely subjective, and yet due to emotion and perspective, it is easy to give your attention to negativity. I have blamed so many others in my younger days of my journey. So many things that have happened that were "written off" by the very ones who have committed atrocities to my mind. Because of this, I had often neglected myself.
I never thought of myself as someone who was worthy of love or respect, because I was abused for a long time during my childhood. The very first person I had fallen in love with broke down my barriers. He could see beyond my anger that there was so much pain. But in the course of things, even he ended up leaving me to fulfill a dream that didn't even happen.
We are taught in society that love is something that you give to others, but we are never taught about how good it actually is to give it to yourself. I have pondered and wasted so much time in the past in trying to have others love me. And here I was, not even caring for myself. Thinking of my own life like a bloated hard drive of bad information, I have made the decision to purge my life of all the bad memories and patterns of thinking.
I have decided to leave the popular social media sites, (at least for now) to stay here with myself. Social media has turned into a nest egg for narcissism. I do enjoy being able to use it for business or even a good laugh, but I haven't spent enough time loving exactly who I am and doing what I enjoy. Blogging is so much more fulfilling to me, because I am telling a perspective, my perspective, and I don't need to worry about disruptive ads, or various distractions.
I want to experiment with this, because I believe that social media (when used outside of business), is too much of an ego stroking mechanism. People fight far too often over opinions on subjects they have little to no control over. So excuse me while I write stories here, and enjoy my imagination.
Q
I never thought of myself as someone who was worthy of love or respect, because I was abused for a long time during my childhood. The very first person I had fallen in love with broke down my barriers. He could see beyond my anger that there was so much pain. But in the course of things, even he ended up leaving me to fulfill a dream that didn't even happen.
We are taught in society that love is something that you give to others, but we are never taught about how good it actually is to give it to yourself. I have pondered and wasted so much time in the past in trying to have others love me. And here I was, not even caring for myself. Thinking of my own life like a bloated hard drive of bad information, I have made the decision to purge my life of all the bad memories and patterns of thinking.
I have decided to leave the popular social media sites, (at least for now) to stay here with myself. Social media has turned into a nest egg for narcissism. I do enjoy being able to use it for business or even a good laugh, but I haven't spent enough time loving exactly who I am and doing what I enjoy. Blogging is so much more fulfilling to me, because I am telling a perspective, my perspective, and I don't need to worry about disruptive ads, or various distractions.
I want to experiment with this, because I believe that social media (when used outside of business), is too much of an ego stroking mechanism. People fight far too often over opinions on subjects they have little to no control over. So excuse me while I write stories here, and enjoy my imagination.
Q
Thursday, April 27, 2017
The irony of this year
Here we are almost five months in the new year and now my life is finally stabilizing. It took a great deal of concentrated effort to get here but alas, I am here. I have been trying to keep myself a float for quite some time. I know I have not written here in quite some time. But this blog actually helps me clear my head in the knowledge that I got everything in my head out at the time and was able to vent in a more mature way.
In 2016, my friend had died. I had gotten a brand new job, I had moved back to Midtown, and everything was in a chaotic uproar. Challenge after challenge, obstacle after obstacle, I had managed to keep afloat. I am very grateful for where I am right now. Despite negative energy and people, I have carved out a positive space for myself. One in which no one else is allowed to affect me.
You do learn this after a while, in your own way, to create your own uninhabitable space. You get your mind completely away from everyone else. And in the moment that you finally do, (for some it takes decades into retirement to figure out), you become free. True freedom isn't necessarily a physical place at all. It is a state of being that is autonomous of the influence of others. Here we have what I have labeled "Year of FRIED CHICKEN". Because there is NO nutritional content in the nature of this year at all. Our government is rotted, our media is rotted and corrupt, and our businesses are being exposed for the corruption that lies underneath at all vantage points.
It all makes sense now as the world is changing, evolving in a sense to shed it's old skin of the rot that still attempts to stick on to it. In the job I was given, I had to learn in a very unfriendly environment. I was very stressed all the time. In some cases, to the point of losing my grip on reality. Since being there, I have been lied to, manipulated against, plotted on, and even disrespected. All of those people are either gone or about to feel the wave of Karma coming against them.
I am now on a journey that will end up taking me out west. It won't be long until I get there. I can feel it in my bones now. When one place feels like everything is fading and the other place has an open opportunity, I have learned to not fight it, but to relax and move with the current. Finally after so long, my stress is gone and I know can just live and feel free.
In 2016, my friend had died. I had gotten a brand new job, I had moved back to Midtown, and everything was in a chaotic uproar. Challenge after challenge, obstacle after obstacle, I had managed to keep afloat. I am very grateful for where I am right now. Despite negative energy and people, I have carved out a positive space for myself. One in which no one else is allowed to affect me.
You do learn this after a while, in your own way, to create your own uninhabitable space. You get your mind completely away from everyone else. And in the moment that you finally do, (for some it takes decades into retirement to figure out), you become free. True freedom isn't necessarily a physical place at all. It is a state of being that is autonomous of the influence of others. Here we have what I have labeled "Year of FRIED CHICKEN". Because there is NO nutritional content in the nature of this year at all. Our government is rotted, our media is rotted and corrupt, and our businesses are being exposed for the corruption that lies underneath at all vantage points.
It all makes sense now as the world is changing, evolving in a sense to shed it's old skin of the rot that still attempts to stick on to it. In the job I was given, I had to learn in a very unfriendly environment. I was very stressed all the time. In some cases, to the point of losing my grip on reality. Since being there, I have been lied to, manipulated against, plotted on, and even disrespected. All of those people are either gone or about to feel the wave of Karma coming against them.
I am now on a journey that will end up taking me out west. It won't be long until I get there. I can feel it in my bones now. When one place feels like everything is fading and the other place has an open opportunity, I have learned to not fight it, but to relax and move with the current. Finally after so long, my stress is gone and I know can just live and feel free.
Monday, December 12, 2016
Gratitude
I am so honored to still be alive in this world. I have seen quite a bit indeed. I'm now taking out the time to have gratitude and be thankful for this life I have been given. I am thankful for the very air I get to breathe in. I am so happy now that I can have anything I want. I never realized just how easy it all really is. The very focal point of life, is whatever you choose to focus on.
It is with this point, I am even more grateful. It has taught me that complaining about anything is utterly useless and only empowers more of what isn't wanted. I am grateful that I am now able to create any scenario that I desire from any conjuration needed. I am happy that I do not have to settle for anything that I do not want.
I am truly happy, that I am finally taking notice of just how awesome I am and how each day gets better and better. This life is truly a gift for a reason, and I now want to share my love with someone who is just as awesome. It is the right moment for all of it, and I am finally ready.
It is time.
It is with this point, I am even more grateful. It has taught me that complaining about anything is utterly useless and only empowers more of what isn't wanted. I am grateful that I am now able to create any scenario that I desire from any conjuration needed. I am happy that I do not have to settle for anything that I do not want.
I am truly happy, that I am finally taking notice of just how awesome I am and how each day gets better and better. This life is truly a gift for a reason, and I now want to share my love with someone who is just as awesome. It is the right moment for all of it, and I am finally ready.
It is time.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
The anti clique The anti Group think
I was raised to be an independent adult by a very independent woman. I actually thank her for that but it has carried over vibrationally into a sense that no one can do for me but me. I have friends and even family, but it seems that I am commonly treated like I can solve my own problems on my own all the time. I wonder to myself why that always had to be?
So does what you teach your children set the stage for the vibration for the rest of their lives? Does the momentum of certain values carve their way into everyday culture until you choose to change them? I guess my trust issues run very deep due to emotional trauma as a child and that led to a series of events that led me to my current point of attraction. But my question is, can everything eventually change? Can I not tune into a much different frequency to produce different results?
I am beginning to think that I can. I want to see how far this vortex of creation stuff can go into my life, so I am conducting my own experiment on positive influence and vibration. I want to see how far this goes into every aspect of my life and my surroundings.
So does what you teach your children set the stage for the vibration for the rest of their lives? Does the momentum of certain values carve their way into everyday culture until you choose to change them? I guess my trust issues run very deep due to emotional trauma as a child and that led to a series of events that led me to my current point of attraction. But my question is, can everything eventually change? Can I not tune into a much different frequency to produce different results?
I am beginning to think that I can. I want to see how far this vortex of creation stuff can go into my life, so I am conducting my own experiment on positive influence and vibration. I want to see how far this goes into every aspect of my life and my surroundings.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Gaining ground
I find myself as of late being left completely alone for extended amounts of time. I truly don't know how to take this at this point in my life. At some ends, it feels great to have so much free time, but then at other ends, it feels like I have just been abandoned. No one is bothering with trying to really communicate with me about what is going on in my life. It's like life itself is working against me being able to do anything but work and go to the gym. It gets depressing because there is so much going on out there that I want to do, but my stupid schedule keeps getting in the way.
Either way, I am grateful for this newfound solace and I'm glad that I have an income. I just don't want to work this schedule any longer. The balance of harmony is what I am truly aiming for in my life. I want to have the freedom to have my creative pursuits enjoyed and explored but I need the income to pay for my needs and desires. Where is the line?
The question I am having now I guess, is what makes me so horrible that people abandon me so often? If I am the common denominator of what is happening, then I must examine what I am thinking and doing altogether. A wedding happened out of state that was planned for months in advance, but I was left completely out of the loop for all of it. At first, I was simply happy for them and everyone who attended. But now, I have some "after effect" emotions about it.
Like, because I was working forced overtime at my "job", I am left out and never called for any part of the event at all. Mind you, this isn't the only wedding I was exclusively not invited to. The first wedding involved a former bestie whom I lived with for some years. His "wife" exclusively didn't invite me because of my "lifestyle". Yeah, you know, the one I was born with that can't be helped as in sexual orientation.
Here's my solution, I'm wiping the slate completely clean and starting over. Of all people I owe anything, I completely forgot to love and appreciate who I actually am. And it is way overdue, for a makeover in my own life. So let me raise this wine glass and congratulate myself on new beginnings and better feelings.
Either way, I am grateful for this newfound solace and I'm glad that I have an income. I just don't want to work this schedule any longer. The balance of harmony is what I am truly aiming for in my life. I want to have the freedom to have my creative pursuits enjoyed and explored but I need the income to pay for my needs and desires. Where is the line?
The question I am having now I guess, is what makes me so horrible that people abandon me so often? If I am the common denominator of what is happening, then I must examine what I am thinking and doing altogether. A wedding happened out of state that was planned for months in advance, but I was left completely out of the loop for all of it. At first, I was simply happy for them and everyone who attended. But now, I have some "after effect" emotions about it.
Like, because I was working forced overtime at my "job", I am left out and never called for any part of the event at all. Mind you, this isn't the only wedding I was exclusively not invited to. The first wedding involved a former bestie whom I lived with for some years. His "wife" exclusively didn't invite me because of my "lifestyle". Yeah, you know, the one I was born with that can't be helped as in sexual orientation.
Here's my solution, I'm wiping the slate completely clean and starting over. Of all people I owe anything, I completely forgot to love and appreciate who I actually am. And it is way overdue, for a makeover in my own life. So let me raise this wine glass and congratulate myself on new beginnings and better feelings.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Spells of the past
We often go through an algorithm in our minds of decision making based upon the events we have experienced in our past. A person born into wealth typically follows an algorithm of thought that allows them to continue what their parents already have. A person born into poverty would also typically follow an algorithm that would lead them to a life of struggle.
All people however, do end up forming thought patterns which lead to different patterns of vibration, which leads to different levels of manifestation. I have met people who do not have much in their lives (according to them saying it.), who excel at the most creative things. I have also encountered people of wealth and privilege who have absolutely no true form of creativity at all.
What I have deduced from all of it over all, is that the past has little bearing upon the current thought of the person if that person changes their own pattern on their own. It begins with a desire that then turns the wheels in the mind. The single most destructive thing we often end up doing that messes us up is asking the question "how".
When you look back upon your own existence, you realize that "how" never truly needed explaining in the first place. If the desire was strong enough, and the belief was just as strong in it's occurrence, then the manifestation must appear.
This explains why people of poverty can become billionaires overnight or how billionaires can then lose everything in a night. All of it, related to a pattern of thought, vibration, and belief.
All people however, do end up forming thought patterns which lead to different patterns of vibration, which leads to different levels of manifestation. I have met people who do not have much in their lives (according to them saying it.), who excel at the most creative things. I have also encountered people of wealth and privilege who have absolutely no true form of creativity at all.
What I have deduced from all of it over all, is that the past has little bearing upon the current thought of the person if that person changes their own pattern on their own. It begins with a desire that then turns the wheels in the mind. The single most destructive thing we often end up doing that messes us up is asking the question "how".
When you look back upon your own existence, you realize that "how" never truly needed explaining in the first place. If the desire was strong enough, and the belief was just as strong in it's occurrence, then the manifestation must appear.
This explains why people of poverty can become billionaires overnight or how billionaires can then lose everything in a night. All of it, related to a pattern of thought, vibration, and belief.
Monday, September 12, 2016
Path of least resistance
I had to learn recently that it is when we surrender struggling, that our best options open up. I've been beating a drum of constant struggle and worry, because that is what I have been trained to believe for such a very long time. So I decided to "give up" so to speak. I stopped trying so hard to become anything. I stopped trying to reach for these monumental goals when I realized I had to ask myself a simple question.
The question I asked myself was "does any of this actually matter if I die?" Right there, so much clarity came open to me in the blink of an eye. All of those "things" I wanted to own do not truly matter if I am not here. All of those places I wanted to see, would still be there regardless of my lifetime. And all I truly really want in this life of mine, is simply to feel good. Desire isn't a bad thing at all, let me clear that up.
Desire is actually normal to have, but in a consumer based society filled with marketing and social media, we get caught up in unwanted details. You don't want to live in your home town because it bores you. You go to college, or join the military and leave your hometown. You experience new things, places, and people, but you are still the you that came from your hometown. You are trying so hard to use the outside as an excuse to control what you want to feel on the inside. That is really what it all comes down to.
Most people are trained to think of their lives as some sort of set of goals. The journey itself is the actual experience we are having. What we experience each day being driven on this force known as vibration and what we are attracting to ourselves. What I am saying in this blur of philosophical drivel, is that you are the magic of your life. You are the center of your experiences. You are the common factor of everything you have been through. What you are focusing on is completely and utterly determined by you.
Don't like how your life is going? Stop repeating the same pattern of thought. It is up to you to change, before your life itself does. Stop waiting for the hero to come save you, be the hero of your story.
Q
The question I asked myself was "does any of this actually matter if I die?" Right there, so much clarity came open to me in the blink of an eye. All of those "things" I wanted to own do not truly matter if I am not here. All of those places I wanted to see, would still be there regardless of my lifetime. And all I truly really want in this life of mine, is simply to feel good. Desire isn't a bad thing at all, let me clear that up.
Desire is actually normal to have, but in a consumer based society filled with marketing and social media, we get caught up in unwanted details. You don't want to live in your home town because it bores you. You go to college, or join the military and leave your hometown. You experience new things, places, and people, but you are still the you that came from your hometown. You are trying so hard to use the outside as an excuse to control what you want to feel on the inside. That is really what it all comes down to.
Most people are trained to think of their lives as some sort of set of goals. The journey itself is the actual experience we are having. What we experience each day being driven on this force known as vibration and what we are attracting to ourselves. What I am saying in this blur of philosophical drivel, is that you are the magic of your life. You are the center of your experiences. You are the common factor of everything you have been through. What you are focusing on is completely and utterly determined by you.
Don't like how your life is going? Stop repeating the same pattern of thought. It is up to you to change, before your life itself does. Stop waiting for the hero to come save you, be the hero of your story.
Q
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Self feedback 9/3/2016
Q,
You have endured quite a bit in your lifetime. Trust me, the world is reminded of it every time you speak. We get it now, you are damaged goods trying to make some sort of good out of all of this. The time has come for you to simply sit still and listen. Stop trying to be right all the time, you see where that has gotten you? Exactly. Now I recommend you stop worrying about other people's thoughts so much and start nurturing your own. The truth is, you were programmed with so much negativity during your budding youth, that it became habit to down yourself.
You really need to take a chill pill and realize that you are just fine the way you are. The motivation for you to change in anything should not be for the sake of other people. You've never loved yourself enough to truly flourish in all of this time. You are very skilled and talented and you yourself, NEVER gave yourself enough value. You know you really do not need to look to others to validate any part of you right? So why do you worry so much about how you affect others? Sit down, relax and do what you enjoy on your own time. You are already successful, stop trying to have other people validate that.
Love,
Yourself
You have endured quite a bit in your lifetime. Trust me, the world is reminded of it every time you speak. We get it now, you are damaged goods trying to make some sort of good out of all of this. The time has come for you to simply sit still and listen. Stop trying to be right all the time, you see where that has gotten you? Exactly. Now I recommend you stop worrying about other people's thoughts so much and start nurturing your own. The truth is, you were programmed with so much negativity during your budding youth, that it became habit to down yourself.
You really need to take a chill pill and realize that you are just fine the way you are. The motivation for you to change in anything should not be for the sake of other people. You've never loved yourself enough to truly flourish in all of this time. You are very skilled and talented and you yourself, NEVER gave yourself enough value. You know you really do not need to look to others to validate any part of you right? So why do you worry so much about how you affect others? Sit down, relax and do what you enjoy on your own time. You are already successful, stop trying to have other people validate that.
Love,
Yourself
Friday, September 2, 2016
Dragon con 2016
This is such a sweet weekend. I am off work (Syria lol), I have my ticket to everything this weekend, and I have my costume almost done in record time. I'll be able to see so many friends again and this is a wonderful plus. I decided to recreate my valkyrie armor from EVA foam again and it is going pretty well. I think I'll add in some cardboard weaponry just for kicks. I'm having so much fun this weekend, all I can do is be thankful for it all.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
The love game
Love is a wonderful thing. Underneath all of the labels and all of the glamour, there really is only the way it makes you feel. It is something that makes you forget the world was ever bad. A force that draws you closer and pulls you in to enjoy what truly is. Your entire reason for living all wrapped up on one feeling of bliss, happiness, and euphoria, that is the truth in nature of love.
It has nothing to do with pain or with strife as so many others are trying to sing about. That is the absence of love. That is what they want you to believe over all that love is some horrible happen chance or some abusive lie. But those who really understand it, will tell you that there is no other addiction like it. Something deeper than any addiction, that brings you to the fullness of who you really are. That is why love heals so well. Nothing else truly holds any point to be honest.
It isn't in our truest nature to hate or be violent. Underneath it all, every person or being is programmed to love. Everything else leads you to nowhere. It begins by loving you and letting that flow of energy in. You start to treat yourself so much better and pay yourself some fun compliments. You let yourself play like your childhood and begin to feel better about everything in general. You remember that life isn't all about those serious things people discuss far too much. You stop judging and you actually start feeling.
It then flows into your everyday feeling. As you feel better about who you are, you stop worrying about what others think. You remember how new the world feels and that it is something to be cherished. Every moment is a heartbeat away from being gone, but when you learn to actually cherish love, every one of those moments actually starts to count. Live your life with love at the forefront, and nothing else will harm you.
Pirates of Euphoria
Q
It has nothing to do with pain or with strife as so many others are trying to sing about. That is the absence of love. That is what they want you to believe over all that love is some horrible happen chance or some abusive lie. But those who really understand it, will tell you that there is no other addiction like it. Something deeper than any addiction, that brings you to the fullness of who you really are. That is why love heals so well. Nothing else truly holds any point to be honest.
It isn't in our truest nature to hate or be violent. Underneath it all, every person or being is programmed to love. Everything else leads you to nowhere. It begins by loving you and letting that flow of energy in. You start to treat yourself so much better and pay yourself some fun compliments. You let yourself play like your childhood and begin to feel better about everything in general. You remember that life isn't all about those serious things people discuss far too much. You stop judging and you actually start feeling.
It then flows into your everyday feeling. As you feel better about who you are, you stop worrying about what others think. You remember how new the world feels and that it is something to be cherished. Every moment is a heartbeat away from being gone, but when you learn to actually cherish love, every one of those moments actually starts to count. Live your life with love at the forefront, and nothing else will harm you.
Pirates of Euphoria
Q
Monday, August 22, 2016
The next adventure
I have contemplated for quite some time moving west to California. It seems like this journey of mine is taking me to very interesting places. Maybe I will encounter people like myself to some degree there. Maybe I will be able to actually make great connections there. I have thought about this a great deal for the past few months. The reasoning behind is the fact that Atlanta has become a dull place for myself.
People in Atlanta (the ones I have met anyways), are for the most part two dimensional. There are promises made, but no true action taken. This is a sea of followers that await being led or manipulated. I'm not saying the whole populace is like this, I'm only recounting the people I have met thus far. Ah yes, the people of Atlanta. So many shining stars with talent that await for some executive to come and scoop them up like the days of old in Hollywood. Talking to any of the artists down here and you'll see an abundance of talent but a lacking in actual work ethic.
You will see many people who do not lead themselves and end up in the aftermath of a whole host of bad decisions. I have done many of my spiritual duties down here, and now it seems that my obligations here have reached their end. I ask myself everyday what exactly am I doing here now? I look at the mirror and ponder over this question a lot more often than I used to. I understand that in truth it isn't really the location that affects your destiny, but I can't help but see a constant outcome with Atlanta.
In Atlanta, people will make many promises to you and end up not delivering on any of those promises. They will tell you things that they want you to believe about them, but upon further inspection, you find they are entirely something else altogether. Everything here is whimsical and done halfway. There is an expectation almost, for someone else to fill the gap, or to make light of the lack of actual good planning on their part. Everyone does things here last minute and no one wants to accept true responsibility.
If a person makes an event, you can expect a good two parts of what is planned to not happen at all. The flyer will be glossed up with models who have nothing to do with the event at all, because the designer stole the images from the internet. They will speak of drink specials and a celebrity guest that may not even show up at all. And all of this, for you to spend money on overpriced valet parking and overpriced, watered down drinks. The only thing that the natives take seriously in the city of Atlanta, is their image. Down here, image is everything, but a lack of substance is rampant.
That "celebrity famous fitness trainer" is nothing more but an ex convict that cannot work a traditional job due to his criminal record. That gorgeous model that handed you a business card detailing her "illustrous contacts", is nothing more than a shampoo girl at a salon who works there only to get her hair done. The stories go on and on, but I digress. It is time to leave Atlanta Georgia. It is funny that the Masquerade club is finally getting torn down. Because that is exactly what this city is for the most part, one giant Masquerade ball.
Q
People in Atlanta (the ones I have met anyways), are for the most part two dimensional. There are promises made, but no true action taken. This is a sea of followers that await being led or manipulated. I'm not saying the whole populace is like this, I'm only recounting the people I have met thus far. Ah yes, the people of Atlanta. So many shining stars with talent that await for some executive to come and scoop them up like the days of old in Hollywood. Talking to any of the artists down here and you'll see an abundance of talent but a lacking in actual work ethic.
You will see many people who do not lead themselves and end up in the aftermath of a whole host of bad decisions. I have done many of my spiritual duties down here, and now it seems that my obligations here have reached their end. I ask myself everyday what exactly am I doing here now? I look at the mirror and ponder over this question a lot more often than I used to. I understand that in truth it isn't really the location that affects your destiny, but I can't help but see a constant outcome with Atlanta.
In Atlanta, people will make many promises to you and end up not delivering on any of those promises. They will tell you things that they want you to believe about them, but upon further inspection, you find they are entirely something else altogether. Everything here is whimsical and done halfway. There is an expectation almost, for someone else to fill the gap, or to make light of the lack of actual good planning on their part. Everyone does things here last minute and no one wants to accept true responsibility.
If a person makes an event, you can expect a good two parts of what is planned to not happen at all. The flyer will be glossed up with models who have nothing to do with the event at all, because the designer stole the images from the internet. They will speak of drink specials and a celebrity guest that may not even show up at all. And all of this, for you to spend money on overpriced valet parking and overpriced, watered down drinks. The only thing that the natives take seriously in the city of Atlanta, is their image. Down here, image is everything, but a lack of substance is rampant.
That "celebrity famous fitness trainer" is nothing more but an ex convict that cannot work a traditional job due to his criminal record. That gorgeous model that handed you a business card detailing her "illustrous contacts", is nothing more than a shampoo girl at a salon who works there only to get her hair done. The stories go on and on, but I digress. It is time to leave Atlanta Georgia. It is funny that the Masquerade club is finally getting torn down. Because that is exactly what this city is for the most part, one giant Masquerade ball.
Q
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Love the taboo subject
I have lived quite some time on this planet. I have experienced quite a few things on the spiritual side. I've also seen quite a bit physically in my experiences. There is that one nagging subject that is the taboo in my life that so many others don't seem to get. The question of love always surfaces in one form or another. Society programs us to feel like we are not complete unless we are in a loving relationship of some sort. Ever since my adolescence, I was practically brain-washed into courting someone to love and marry for the sake of the sake of marriage. I never quite understood why is it that people feel the compulsion for another person in their lives to actually complete them.
No one can complete you except you. Other people can accompany you, but they don't complete what they inherently are not a part of. At the very least, this is my own opinion on the matter. I myself have only really been in three working relationships my whole life, so I guess I am most certainly not an expert on the subject of love. It isn't that I don't desire to have it, I guess it is one of those things I never fully understood. Like you are judged (quite strictly I might add), by society by the relationship you have. It is some form of measure to your overall success it seems to be married by X age. If you do not get married, then society judges you as a failure of some sort.
Like, if you can't get a companion of a sort, you are condemned by society for having some sort of imperfection. Maybe you are too fat, or you have high standards that can't be met, is usually something we deal with when we are single. Then you have holidays that rub it continuously in your face that you should "be with" someone on because for some reason it is taboo to be alone on oh, another day. I guess for me, life has taught me otherwise with harsh lessons and difficult circumstances.
I've had to learn how to be alone from an early age, because I never felt loved by my family. I never felt like I had a group of friends that really cared for me beyond what small comforts we could provide each other. I've always been alone for multiple reasons honestly. In my eyes, I guess society has taught me to rely on no one. and it had saddened me for a very long time. Then after the tears had fallen, it became what I was used to and then it became what I expected. At this point, I'm not saying it is impossible for me to settle down with someone, it just seems improbable by society's high standards.
Who knows though, maybe I'll end up with a boyfriend. Maybe someone will propose to me sooner than I think. All I know, is that I love me for who I am and I am my own best friend. Everyone else, isn't necessarily a guarantee in this journey that we call life.
No one can complete you except you. Other people can accompany you, but they don't complete what they inherently are not a part of. At the very least, this is my own opinion on the matter. I myself have only really been in three working relationships my whole life, so I guess I am most certainly not an expert on the subject of love. It isn't that I don't desire to have it, I guess it is one of those things I never fully understood. Like you are judged (quite strictly I might add), by society by the relationship you have. It is some form of measure to your overall success it seems to be married by X age. If you do not get married, then society judges you as a failure of some sort.
Like, if you can't get a companion of a sort, you are condemned by society for having some sort of imperfection. Maybe you are too fat, or you have high standards that can't be met, is usually something we deal with when we are single. Then you have holidays that rub it continuously in your face that you should "be with" someone on because for some reason it is taboo to be alone on oh, another day. I guess for me, life has taught me otherwise with harsh lessons and difficult circumstances.
I've had to learn how to be alone from an early age, because I never felt loved by my family. I never felt like I had a group of friends that really cared for me beyond what small comforts we could provide each other. I've always been alone for multiple reasons honestly. In my eyes, I guess society has taught me to rely on no one. and it had saddened me for a very long time. Then after the tears had fallen, it became what I was used to and then it became what I expected. At this point, I'm not saying it is impossible for me to settle down with someone, it just seems improbable by society's high standards.
Who knows though, maybe I'll end up with a boyfriend. Maybe someone will propose to me sooner than I think. All I know, is that I love me for who I am and I am my own best friend. Everyone else, isn't necessarily a guarantee in this journey that we call life.
Dragon Con
I approach the festival known as Dragon Con with so much eagerness. I totally enjoy making a costume and getting juiced up with my fellow nerds. Though on the spiritual tip, there is something strange about it all. You can feel the great amount of energy in the air. There are other supernaturals at the event.
Due to a high demand for a second version, I"ll be creating my valkyrie armor again this year. It feels really good to be able to do this without any form of restraint. I am truly blessed to have so many cosplay friends that help me out every time. In a sense, Dragon con gives me a sense of home. It feels like a home-coming event where we all can let our hair down and be who we actually are. There is no need to be hidden or hide yourself among the crowds. Everyone is similar to you in some way.
I hope to get things done well this year, I do know that I'll have more than enough money to make things work. So grateful it will be a bang.
Q
Due to a high demand for a second version, I"ll be creating my valkyrie armor again this year. It feels really good to be able to do this without any form of restraint. I am truly blessed to have so many cosplay friends that help me out every time. In a sense, Dragon con gives me a sense of home. It feels like a home-coming event where we all can let our hair down and be who we actually are. There is no need to be hidden or hide yourself among the crowds. Everyone is similar to you in some way.
I hope to get things done well this year, I do know that I'll have more than enough money to make things work. So grateful it will be a bang.
Q
Monday, August 8, 2016
Lost in chaos
2016 has been a very chaotic year. Widespread panic and manipulation have turned this time period into a moment of uncertainty. I have found that it is easier to simply focus on everything else but the outside world. focusing on the inner world adjusting it as peace descends upon me. I am not listening to the world any longer. I am learning to listen to myself. Fear is slowly subsiding as I realize how much I have already lived through. There are those three words again that help motivate me past all of the chaos and splendor; "life, moves, on."
Life moves on. It is both honest and cruel at the same time. But it is also quite comforting the more you actually think about it. Nothing can really harm you for long. No one has any actual power over you. No one can force you to do what you do not want to do. The odds are meaningless when you realize just how much power you actually have over how you want to feel.
Q
Life moves on. It is both honest and cruel at the same time. But it is also quite comforting the more you actually think about it. Nothing can really harm you for long. No one has any actual power over you. No one can force you to do what you do not want to do. The odds are meaningless when you realize just how much power you actually have over how you want to feel.
Q
Friday, June 24, 2016
Working the grind
So far this year has taught me that change will shake things up in your life from time to time. I went from starving for employment to working in a place that has too much work. Haha, the irony right?
Well it isn't a bad job really, but there is just a combination of bad elements that makes where I currently am unsuitable for me to stay there. It's funny too, because in my first three months there, the higher end of management is asking question as to "why people quit in the first 6 months?"
I didn't say a word, but in my mind I was saying, "maybe because you are trying too hard to be efficient as a company and you are putting far too much stress on your employees." This is the reason so many people end up working for themselves. Companies are so far attached from reality that they set unrealistic goals and end up hurting the employees the most. What's even more sad, is the fact that it always ends up costing the "companies" more in the long run. People with corporate mindsets are not empathic people at all.
I personally do not see why I am still there, but I am glad to know I am moving on from there soon. I'm already looking elsewhere. As an artist, I want to work full time creating and drawing and expressing. Normal "conventional" jobs simply do not give me enough freedom to do what I want and stressful efficiency jobs are basically the worst. I've made up my mind, I'm moving forward. It isn't just because of the job itself. I am moving forward because I deserve to treat myself better than how I have been for the last two decades.
It isn't their story I need to continue, but my very own.
Well it isn't a bad job really, but there is just a combination of bad elements that makes where I currently am unsuitable for me to stay there. It's funny too, because in my first three months there, the higher end of management is asking question as to "why people quit in the first 6 months?"
I didn't say a word, but in my mind I was saying, "maybe because you are trying too hard to be efficient as a company and you are putting far too much stress on your employees." This is the reason so many people end up working for themselves. Companies are so far attached from reality that they set unrealistic goals and end up hurting the employees the most. What's even more sad, is the fact that it always ends up costing the "companies" more in the long run. People with corporate mindsets are not empathic people at all.
I personally do not see why I am still there, but I am glad to know I am moving on from there soon. I'm already looking elsewhere. As an artist, I want to work full time creating and drawing and expressing. Normal "conventional" jobs simply do not give me enough freedom to do what I want and stressful efficiency jobs are basically the worst. I've made up my mind, I'm moving forward. It isn't just because of the job itself. I am moving forward because I deserve to treat myself better than how I have been for the last two decades.
It isn't their story I need to continue, but my very own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
This is the cover art to my "Radiate" artistic album. Unis Prime is the character. -
Finally, I'm back in Photoshop. I got a new apartment and I'm doing it solo style. Love you folks! -Q- -
I often wonder why it is that people will go out of their way to hide who they truly are. Upon further and closer inspection, anyone can sp...